Julia sat beside Chrístõ at the door of
the TARDIS. It was wide open even though they were in a space orbit. They
were watching a phenomena called the Medusan aurora. For three hours already
the blackness of space had been anything but black as reflected and refracted
lights of a myriad colours danced and span above, below, all around. The
TARDIS revolved slowly so that they could see all of it. In its default
shape it was undoubtedly the most unusual craft in the designated observation
zone, but it had the best views of what was the Medusan sector’s
biggest tourist attraction.
Julia was thrilled to be there, and more especially to be there alone
with Chrístõ – well, not counting Humphrey, of course,
who was hunkered over their legs like a pet dog. It was a sweet, peaceful,
romantic moment for them, and she really felt like his proper girlfriend
on a very special and unusual ‘date’. Chrístõ
obviously felt the same way. His arm was tight around her waist as she
happily leaned against his shoulder.
It was way better than the back row of the New Canberra Odeon with popcorn.
“Dos this happen all the time?” she asked about the aurora.
“Or is it just once in a while?”
“The twin suns of the Medusa IV system are aligned to produce the
effect once every five years by Earth measure,” Chrístõ
replied. “You’ll be nineteen when it happens again.”
“We’ll be engaged by then. It will be a really romantic night.”
“It’s quite romantic, now,” Chrístõ pointed
out.
“”I know. But… it’ll be more romantic. When we’re
allowed to…” She giggled girlishly. She was a girl, after
all. The prospect of actually being engaged, being free to kiss and cuddle
her boyfriend, the courtship that could begin once she reached the proper
age was still a little distant. Even though she knew Chrístõ
was going to be her fiancé, it still seemed as remote a dream as
those her school friends had of boys they hadn’t even met, yet.
Chrístõ thought that right and proper. He didn’t want
her wishing away her childhood, longing to be a grown up for him. She
had another year and a bit before their formal betrothal, and he wanted
her to enjoy that time as any girl her age should.
“It’s a better way to spend Friday evening than the cinema,”
she said.
“I think so,” Chrístõ agreed. “Although…
you should also spend time with your friends doing normal things.”
“It’s not really the same these days, anyway,” she answered.
“The old gang is starting to go their separate ways. We’re
all growing up. Bowling and window shopping and eating ice cream…
it’s for kids. Everyone is out on their own separate dates tonight.
Ours is just a bit more exotic. Besides, I love it. I love being with
you, Chrístõ. And a whole weekend away with you is even
better. I’m so glad Uncle Herrick said it was all right. That’s
one thing that will be different when I’m seventeen and we’re
officially engaged. I won’t have to obey curfews.”
Chrístõ laughed softly.
“According to old Gallifreyan tradition, when we’re engaged
we have to be chaperoned everywhere we go together.”
Julia looked scandalised. He laughed even more.
“Don’t worry, that’s a very old tradition. It doesn’t
apply any more. Besides, I’m a Beta Deltan citizen now. And when
you’re old enough we can sit up all night watching the aurora. Tonight,
though, I think it’s time I fixed us a little supper, and then bed
for you.”
Julia sighed, but not unhappily. Observing proper bedtimes were among
the terms by which such weekends were allowed. And Chrístõ
made sure there was no bending of those rules - on his Gallifreyan honour.
Anyway, supper and then bed in her own room on the TARDIS was a treat,
too. She could go to sleep watching the aurora and then they were going
to the ice planet of Androgeda IX, where they were going to spend the
weekend skiing. Androgeda IX had lower gravity than Earth or Beta Delta
and it was said to be impossible to have a serious injury while enjoying
their winter sports.
They both stood, stretching legs that had been immobile for longer than
they realised. Julia went towards the inner door with Humphrey at her
heels. Chrístõ went to the console to close the door and
check the co-ordinates for their next destination.
Then something happened that would baffle the temporal engineers that
built his TARDIS. It shouldn’t have happened. It shouldn’t
have been possible. He certainly did nothing to cause it. He had one hand
on the door release and the other resting on the corner of the console,
touching nothing vital. But suddenly the console was enveloped with unleashed
artron energy, orange and actinic blue, arcing and spitting from every
part of it. Chrístõ tried to move away but his hands felt
as if they were held in place by magnets. He was enveloped by the energy.
He felt as if he was becoming one with the console itself for a few seconds.
Then it was more like he was being unravelled at a molecular level. He
heard Julia’s screams as if from a far distance. Through what looked
like a curtain of energy he saw her trying to reach him and managed to
call out a warning to her to keep away. In the moments before he finally
blacked out he saw her, only feet away from him, frozen in shock.
When he woke, the console room was in darkness, with the console still
and silent and only the low level emergency lights on. He could hear Humphrey
keening mournfully and Julia softly calling his name. He opened his eyes
to see her kneeling beside him.
“Don’t… don’t touch me yet,” he said. “There
might still be residual energy.”
“There isn’t.” she answered. “I’ve already
touched you, to try to wake you up. But Chrístõ… I
don’t know what happened. But… please… you have to look
at… at him… I think he’s dead.”
“Who?” He reached out and Julia helped him to sit up. He looked
around and was surprised to see another dark clad figure lying on the
console room floor.
“I put him in the recovery position and tried to make sure he was
ok, but I don’t know what else to do,” Julia explained.
“Who is he?” Chrístõ asked as he scrambled to
his feet. “How did he get on board the TARDIS?” He stepped
towards the stranger and knelt to examine him. When he turned him over
and saw his face he gasped out loud in surprised shock. “But he’s…”
“He’s you,” Julia said. “I saw you… I saw
you in the middle of the light, frozen to the console. And then it was
like seeing double. At first it didn’t look real. It was like seeing
something out of focus. Then there were two of you there. And the light
cut off and you both collapsed. And I didn’t know what to do. You
were both unconscious and I managed to wake you, but he…”
“He’s not breathing,” Chrístõ confirmed.
“And his hearts aren’t right, either…”
This was a strange situation, but he knew what he had to do. He turned
the other version of himself over onto his back and checked his airways
before beginning CPR. Julia, despite the seriousness of the situation,
giggled.
“You’re kissing yourself,” she said.
“I don’t exactly know who I’m kissing,” he answered
between breaths as he did the required chest compressions. “I have
a duty, as a doctor, to render assistance. I have to do my best for him.”
“Is he going to die?”
“Not if I can help it.” He bent over his patient again to
resume the mouth to mouth resuscitation, then the chest compressions again.
The hearts felt wrong. One wasn’t beating at all. The other was
erratic. He was worried. But he didn’t give up. As he counted the
compressions he looked at Julia, standing close, watching anxiously.
“Don’t hold your breath. I don’t want to have to resuscitate
you, as well.”
He breathed a sigh of relief himself as he felt his patient give a deep,
if ragged and hoarse voluntary breath. The one heart on the right hand
side steadied, too. The other….
“What… what happened?” the Doppelganger asked in Chrístõ’s
own voice. He rubbed his forehead and groaned. “Julia… where
are you?”
“I’m here,” she said, moving closer. “Chrístõ…
it is you, isn’t it? I mean…”
She was confused and frightened, but the one thing she was sure of was
that this man was also Chrístõ. There were two of him, and
she cared for both of them. She was relieved that he was alive. She knelt
beside him as he opened his eyes fully. He reached out and touched her
face gently.
“Was it you that kissed ne?” he asked. “I felt somebody…
I wasn’t breathing? I needed CPR? And you… sweetheart…
you saved me.”
“No, it wasn’t me,” she answered. “It was…”
He turned his head, then, and saw the other version of himself, also kneeling
by his side.
“What… what in the name of Rassilon is happening?”
“Keep still,” the first Chrístõ said to his
other version. “You’re not fully fit yet. You’ve only
got one heart beating.”
“No,” he said. “That’s because…” The
second Chrístõ reached to examine his own chest carefully.
“I only have one heart. I think I’m…. I’m…
Human.”
Julia reached and touched his chest and nodded. Then she reached to touch
the first one – for the sake of clarity she called him that. She
felt his chest where two strong hearts beat, the way they had for as long
as she had known him. Then she reached and held his face. She studied
his eyes, carefully.
“Chrístõ, you don’t have tear ducts. I think….”
“I’ve… been split… into two people… one
Human, the other Gallifreyan. Two people, two different species, instead
of one being with mixed DNA.”
“How?” asked the other one, the Human one. “How could
that happen? And… and…” He groaned and nearly fainted
again. Julia put her hand under his head as she let him lie down again
on the floor. She told the other version of him to fetch some water, and
he went to the emergency dispenser in the dark corner of the room. Julia
helped the Human Chrístõ to drink some of it, holding him
in her arms as he slowly recovered from the faint.
“Be careful,” she told him as she put her hand on his forehead
and noted that he was uncomfortably hot. “I don’t think you’re
very well, still.”
“He’s not,” said the Gallifreyan version of him. “He’s
had a massive dose of Artron energy through him. A Human body isn’t
supposed to be able to take that sort of punishment.”
“I’m all right, now,” the Human Chrístõ
answered as he struggled to sit up with Julia’s aid. “The
energy is gone. Dissipated. It’s done the worst it can.”
“Even so,” the Gallifreyan answered. “I think I should
get you down to the medical room for a thorough examination. You could
have all sorts of problems… kidneys, liver…”
“So could you,” the Human version of him retorted with a touch
of irritation in his tone. “What makes you so sure you’re
not affected.” He reached out for Julia’s arm again. She willingly
gave it as he pulled himself up from the floor. He stood and swayed dizzily
at first, Julia supporting him as best as she could. He looked directly
at his other half. Julia studied them both. They were identical in height,
facial features, the size of their hands, even the pale complexion. The
only outward difference was in their eyes - one had tear ducts, the other
didn't.
“Well,” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ replied. “If
I’m fully Gallifreyan, then there can’t be very much wrong
with me. But you…”
“What? You think I’m weak and inferior.”
“I’m just saying…”
“Well, don’t. I’m fine.”
“I think you should both go to the medical room,” Julia insisted.
“But you’ll have to get the TARDIS back on, first. The door
won’t open otherwise.”
“The TARDIS is ok,” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ
said. “It automatically went into stand by mode to preserve its
circuits. Just need to…”
“…Press the reset switch,” His Human counterpart completed
the sentence. They looked at each other and then both dashed towards the
console. It was the Human Chrístõ who reached the reset
first, because he was a few paces closer to begin with.
It didn’t work.
“You’re Human. The TARDIS doesn’t recognise your imprimatur.
Let me…” The Gallifreyan Chrístõ pushed his
hand away. He was chagrined to discover that nothing happened for him,
either.
“We’re in trouble,” he said. “The TARDIS doesn’t
recognise either of us.”
“The TARDIS made us,” the Human Chrístõ argued.
“How can it not…”
Both stepped away from the console. They stared as Julia stepped closer
and put her own hand on the switch. At once the lights all came on and
the console hummed with life.
“It recognises me,” she pointed out.
“How?” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ asked. “You’re
not even…”
“It recognises her as one of the crew,” the Human Chrístõ
replied. “She hasn’t changed. We’re neither of us the
person the TARDIS recognises as its pilot. But she can’t use the
navigation or drive controls. We’re still in trouble.”
“She could use the fast return switch. That’s primed to be
used by anyone who is a recognised crew member, in the event of an accident
that incapacitates me… us…”
“Fast Return?” Julia questioned.
“That button, there,” the Human Chrístõ told
her. “It takes us back to our previous location. That would be Beta
Delta IV, to my… our… house.”
“Good,” Julia decided. “Let’s do that. I don’t
know what happened, or why. But we’ll all be safe there. She pressed
the button. The time rotor glowed and rose and fell and she felt the change
in the engines as they entered the vortex. “Ok, go on, both of you
to the medical room.”
They both looked at her and then did as she said. She followed them. Humphrey
hugged the shadows and came along, too. He slipped under the examination
table as Julia told the Human Chrístõ to lie down on it.
“Don’t argue,” she told him. “You were unconscious
for longer and needed help. You ought to be checked out first. It’s
not because you’re weaker or inferior.”
“He’s…” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ
began to say something but Julia’s glare silenced him.
“You’re a doctor… look after him,” she said.
He did as she said. He took blood samples and a throat swab and listened
to the single heartbeat. He ran the full body scanner of him carefully.
“You’re fine,” he told his other self. “You’re
a perfectly healthy Human of approximately twenty-six years of age.”
“I’m not twenty-six,” the Human Chrístõ
protested. “I’m one hundred and ninety five. The same as you
are.”
“No, you’re not. You’re a Human being. They don’t
live that long.”
“I’m…not…”
“Yes, you are. You’re a Human.” The Gallifreyan Chrístõ
held up the phial he had put his doppelganger’s blood into. “Red.
Haemoglobin. Human red blood. One heart, a normal human body temperature
of ninety eight point six degrees on the Fahrenheit scale. You have tear
ducts. And you have no telepathic nerves. You are an ordinary Human being.”
“Not so ordinary,” he replied. “I still remember being
a Time Lord. I remember those years you say I haven’t lived. I remember…
I know as much as you do.”
“But… do you still have the whole universe in your head? You
can’t. Your mind would overload. That’s the difference. The
Time Lord gift. That’s the real difference between us.”
“I do remember it,” the Human Chrístõ said.
“I remember facing the Schism. But my mind won’t let me…
I can’t remember the feeling, the enormity of it. Or my transcension.
I know it happened. But I don’t remember how it felt. That’s
all gone.”
“You’re Human.”
“Stop saying that. I’m not. I’m a Time Lord. I’m
equal to you. I’m… just the same as you.”
“It’s time you had a check up, too,” Julia said to the
Gallifreyan Chrístõ.
“I don’t need one. I know I’m all right. I’m a
Gallifreyan, and I have nothing medically wrong with me. Besides, the
TARDIS has landed. Let’s get out of here.”
He turned and walked away. Julia watched him go, then turned to the Human
Chrístõ.
“We’d better go after him. He may be physically all right,
but he’s really not acting like… like Chrístõ.
My Chrístõ.”
“He’s acting like an arrogant pure-blooded Gallifreyan! I
never thought I could be like that. I didn’t think I was…”
“Actually, you can be pretty arrogant sometimes. I never thought
it was a bad thing, before. I thought it made you strong. Now, I’m
not so sure.”
The Human Chrístõ looked at her and smiled weakly. He reached
out his hand to her. She took it. They walked silently back through the
TARDIS and out the main door which was left wide open. They stepped into
the drawing room of Chrístõ’s house. The Gallifreyan
Chrístõ was standing in the middle of the floor on the telephone.
He was ordering pizzas as if everything was normal. When he turned and
saw them his expression was cold.
“So, you decided which one of us to side with?” he said to
Julia.
“Chrístõ!” she exclaimed. “That’s
not fair. It’s not about sides. I… I love you… both
of you. But… you’re acting very rudely at the moment.”
“I’m just trying to keep control of this situation. That’s
why I ordered food. We were meant to have supper. And you were meant to
go to bed.”
“Well, I can’t, now. I have to take care of you two.”
She let go of the Human hand that clung to her and went to the Gallifreyan.
His skin felt distinctly cooler as she reached to hold him. “You
might not be physically harmed, but you’re acting so strangely.
It affected you. You are being so… so GALLIFREYAN.”
“I am Gallifreyan.”
“Yes, but… you never acted like it. You were never so haughty
and above yourself. You managed to be a prince of the universe without
making everyone else feel like peasants. I don’t like this side
of you, Chrístõ.”
He looked at her and his expression softened. He reached out and touched
her face.
“Julia…” he whispered. “I… I am sorry. I
didn’t mean… I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Funny way of showing it,” said the Human Chrístõ
as he stepped closer and reached out to take Julia’s free hand.
“She’s an inferior Human, too. I’m surprised you’re
interested in her.”
“My feelings aren’t changed. I still love…”
“So do I… So that’s just one more thing we have to sort
out. Which one of us….”
“The Bond of Intent was made under Gallifreyan law. She is mine.”
“She’s Human. So am I. If I have nothing else, I at least
should have her. We belong together. Please… don’t take her
away from me.”
“Don’t grovel. I hardly think that’s going to win her
favour,” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ responded.
“I’m not ‘grovelling’,” he answered angrily.
“And I’m not trying to win her favour. I’m… trying…
to keep what matters most to me. I’ve lost so much… But Julia,
sweetheart…. You ARE the only thing that matters to me. Please let
me…”
“Julia…”
Both were holding her tightly by the arms now. She felt scared. If one
of them didn’t let go, if they both pulled at once, they could pull
her apart.
“Let me go,” she said, twisting out of their grasp and stepping
away. “Right now, I’m not sure I want to be with either of
you. I’m not sure I LIKE either of you very much. And…”
The doorbell interrupted her train of thought. “I’ll get the
pizzas. You two… just… sit down. And… I don’t
know… just… sit down.”
She turned away and went to the hallway. She opened the door and took
charge of the fragrant pizza boxes.
When she returned to the living room she was aghast. The two versions
of Chrístõ were squaring up to each other as if about to
fight. Their eyes burned with rage and they were both flushed with rage.
“Oh, for heaven sake!” she screamed at them. “Sit down.
Or I’m calling a taxi and going home and leaving you to it. I can’t
deal with this. I turn my back for two minutes and… Just sit down,
now. And don’t be so stupid.”
They both looked at her, then at each other. They seemed to be ready to
back down, but neither wanted to be the first to do so. Julia gave an
exasperated sigh.
“Just do it,” she said again, and finally they did so. They
sat in armchairs either end of the long, three seater sofa. Julia was
reminded of something she read in history about the old House of Commons
in London. The floor between the two sides of the House was the width
of two sword lengths to prevent duelling between Members. The carpet between
the two of them, now, was serving a similar purpose.
Julia distributed the pizzas, then went to the kitchen to bring two bottled
beers for them and a can of cola for herself. They all ate quietly, with
a kind of forced friendliness. Julia sat cross legged on the sofa between
the two and watched them both thoughtfully.
“Ok,” she said when they had finished eating. She put her
pizza box aside and took a deep breath. “Do you want to explain
why you were getting ready to tear lumps out of each other?”
“It… was about you,” the Human Chrístõ
answered in a sullen tone. “About… which of us you’re
really supposed to be engaged to.”
“He wanted to make an issue of it,” The Gallifreyan Chrístõ
added. “But there is no issue. What I said before is true. Legally
you are my intended, Julia. Under Gallifreyan law…”
“Under that law, I am not legally obliged to accept a betrothal
agreement from you,” Julia pointed out. “We are under a Bond
of Intent, and that is all. I can change my mind, yet. Besides, we’re
not on Gallifrey. We’re on Beta Delta Four, in the Earth Federation,
and I am a minor under the law here and not legally bound by ANYTHING
except the truancy laws. And I can still call that taxi and leave you
both to kill each other.”
“Julia….”
“Julia…”
“Chrístõ,” she replied. Her anger at them both
had given way to grief and tears pricked her eyes as she spoke. “I…
love you.”
“Which one of us?”
“Both of you,” she said. “Honestly, you’re both
so clever. But you don’t get it, do you? You’re not two people.
You’re the same person. The Human and the Gallifreyan part of the
one man that I love. You’re both driving me nuts right now. But
I do love you. And you can’t… you can’t expect me to
choose one of you above the other. You… you…” She looked
at the Gallifreyan one. “You think I could marry you and go to live
on Gallifrey, be Lady de Lœngbærrow, giving luncheons and dinner
parties and going to balls, producing the heir to your noble house.”
She turned to the Human version. “And you… you think I could
happily marry you and live a nice, ordinary Human life here, in this house,
you carrying on teaching, me having lots of brown eyed Human babies for
you… the two of us getting old together… because that’s
what would happen. He can regenerate. He has his 13 long lives. But you…
you’ll get old and die… probably before me. Because you’re
already older than I am.”
The Human Chrístõ looked appalled at that prospect.
“No, it’s not what I want,” he said. “I still
want… to marry you in the Panopticon… as is my birthright.
I don’t want to be Human. And I don’t want to get old in fifty
years… not even… not even with you. I never… never imagined
being old… at least not for hundreds of years.”
“I know. It’s not fair. None of this is fair. It’s not
fair on him, either.”
“How isn’t it fair on him? He gets what we always wanted.
He’s a real, true, Gallifreyan.”
“Is that really what you’ve always wanted?” Julia asked
him. “I don’t think it is. Look at him. His DNA… it
all comes from his father’s side. That means… it means he’s
never had a mother. There’s nothing of her in him. That beautiful
lady that I know you both love… she’s not his mother any more.
And I think that has to hurt even a stubborn, superior pure-blood Gallifreyan.”
The Gallifreyan Chrístõ blinked the nictating membrane behind
his eyelids several times. He couldn’t cry, but his eyes were glassy
all the same. Julia felt bad about doing that to him. It was cruel. But
he needed reminding that he had emotions. He seemed to have forgotten
that. He needed to remember that he wasn’t just a Gallifreyan. That
he was more than that.
“Mother,” he whispered plaintively. “No… She…
I can’t lose her.”
“I’m… made from her DNA only?” The Human Chrístõ
said. “I’m… I have…nothing of my father in me?
I’m… not… not his son any more?”
“I don’t think your father would think that way,” Julia
assured him. “He’s a good man. He’s a kind, understanding
man. He will love you both equally.”
“Yes,” the Human Chrístõ agreed. “Yes,
he would. But HE would be the heir. I’d just be… something…
that he loves out of pity… the runt of the litter… And…
I don’t want that.”
“Then… maybe you should stay here,” The Gallifreyan
Chrístõ told him. “You do have a life here. A life
you love. That’s why we bought this house. Because we like it here.
You could stay here. And… and maybe it is better if Julia…
You and her… could be right together. I’ll… I’ll
go back to Gallifrey… I’ll take on the duties of the primogeniture…
I’ll… accept a marriage arrangement. Maybe… maybe Romana
would… I know she cares for me. She might leave the cloister for…”
“No,” Julia said. “No, it doesn’t work that way,
either. You still don’t get it, do you? You’re talking as
if you can go on from here as two different people, with two different
lives. But you’re NOT two people. You’re the same person.
That’s why you’re both basket cases right now.”
“Basket cases?” Despite themselves, both men smiled at her
choice of words.
“Yes,” she responded. “You can’t be separated.
You… you’re a pure Galifreyan. And that sounds all right.
And it is for people who were born that way, like Hext and Romana, and
your father and Valena, and even people like Lord Ravenswode and everyone
else from Gallifrey. It’s all right for them. They don’t know
anything else. But you, Chrístõ de Lœngbærrow, you’re
more than all them. You’re a unique mix of two fantastic species.
You’re the product of the DNA of two wonderful people – your
father, a wonderful, kind, brave man, and your mother who was so sweet
and gentle and loving. And… and you were always the best of both
of them all mixed up together. But separate… you’re…
you’re the worst of a Human and the worst of a Gallifreyan. You’re
just not right, either of you. And… I don’t want two of you
that are miserable and hurting inside and saying things I know you don’t
mean. I want… I want the real you back… the man I love. MY
Chrístõ. So… so…. Work it out between you. And
do it as friends. Don’t fight. I can’t think of anything more
awful than you… fighting… with yourself. Chrístõ…
you can’t. The two of you… you HAVE to like each other. It’s
not right. It’s just not…”
She ran out of words. The two men looked at her, both a little stunned
by her tirade.
“Do you remember…” said the Galifreyan Chrístõ
to his Human self. “When we first met this girl… she couldn’t
talk at all. Now she won’t shut up and let us get a word in.”
The Human version laughed with him. Julia smiled with relief and kissed
first one, then the other, on the cheek.
“I’m going to bed, now. You two… talk to each other
and find some way to deal with this.”
She turned and walked away. The two of them looked at each other then
rose in unison. They both reached her by the door and one after the other
embraced her fully and kissed her gently on the lips.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” said one.
“So am I,” said the other. “Goodnight, Julia. Sleep
well. And… don’t worry about us. We’ll figure it out
somehow.”
They both watched as she went away. Then they turned and looked at each
other.
“She’s right,” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ
said. “We’ve been idiots. But… what do we do?”
“You’re asking me?”
“Yes. You’re… the Human one… Humans have the imagination…
the ideas.”
“So I’m not just a weak, inferior model?”
“Don’t start that again. Come on… we’ve got to
get this together.”
“Ok, then… why don’t we… I don’t know…
get another couple of beers from the fridge and… talk.”
They did that. They didn’t sit on the chairs. They both sat on the
floor, leaning against the sofa. They sat close together and for a little
while they didn’t say anything.
“I… always wondered what it would be like to have a brother,”
The Human version said as the silence lengthened.
“Yes. I did… And… I’ve thought about that. Haven’t
you?”
“Yes. We could… we could do it. We could….”
“Live two lives… together. As… brothers.”
“Yes.”
“No. Julia is right. We can’t. We’re missing something.
Both of us. We’re like… like we only have half a soul each.
We’re not complete. And I think it would destroy us both, sooner
or later. And… besides… I don’t know… what I would
do… in… however many years it might be… when you…
I think if you died… a bit of me would, too. I wouldn’t even
be half a soul any more.”
“Not sure I appreciate you thinking of my death as something that
affects YOU,” the Human Chrístõ pointed out. “I
thought we were over the selfishness, now.”
“I am,” the Gallifreyan replied. “I am. I’m just
trying to reason it through. And it won’t work, not even short term.
We can’t live this way.”
“So what can we do about it?”
“We can… work out what happened to us, and try to reverse
it, go back to being one person… the one Julia really loves. The
one we’re meant to be.”
“How?”
“We need to get the TARDIS to work for us, for a start.”
“We can’t. It won’t recognise either of us.”
“It won’t recognise us separately. But what if…”
The Human Chrístõ looked at his other self. “I don’t
know… it could just be stupid. I don’t know if…”
“Well, I don’t even have a stupid idea. So whatever you’ve
got…”
The Human Chrístõ put down his empty beer bottle and turned
towards the TARDIS door, disguised as a built in cupboard in the corner
of the room. He found his key in his pocket. His Gallifreyan counterpart
took his own key from his pocket but he let him open the door. They stepped
inside together. The lights brightened as they did so, and Humphrey slid
under the console, purring gently to let them know he was there.
“Right,” the Human Chrístõ said, and told his
other half what he wanted him to do. He nodded and agreed it was a stupid
idea, but it was still their only idea. He stood with him at the navigation
control and they both put their hands on the main switch together. The
navigation console hummed with life and lights flickered on and off.
“As simple as that?” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ
commented in a philosophical tone.
“As simple as that,” replied the Human Chrístõ.
“But the rest might not be. We need to run a diagnostic first. We
need to find out what happened, before we can figure out how to reverse
it.”
“Could take all night.”
“I’m not tired.”
“All right, then.”
It didn’t quite take all night. But it was nearly daylight before
they were satisfied that they knew what to do. They came back to the drawing
room in the half light of dawn. The Human Chrístõ pulled
the sofa cushions to one end and laid himself down on it wearily. The
Gallifreyan sat on the floor again with his head against the cushions.
“It’s… dangerous,” he said. “It might not
work. We could both die in the attempt.”
“It’s going to be very painful. For both of us.”
“We’ve got to talk to Julia, first.”
“Yes… that goes without saying. We….”
He looked around. His Human version had fallen asleep. The Gallifreyan
nodded and sighed softly. He felt a little weary himself. He stood up
from the floor and sat in one of the big armchairs. He closed his eyes
and told himself he would just sleep for an hour, no more.
It was three hours later when he found himself being shook awake by Julia
wearing the top of a pair of his own pyjamas as a nightdress. He sat up
and saw the Human Chrístõ sitting up on the sofa, suppressing
a yawn and trying not to look sleepy.
“I’ve made coffee and toast,” she said, pointing to
a tray on the coffee table. “Did you manage to work anything out.”
“Yes, we did,” they both replied. Then they outlined their
findings to her. She listened as they explained about how positively and
negatively charged ions around the Medusan Aurora had accidentally become
infused into the TARDIS.
“That’s a lesson learned,” the Human Chrístõ
said. “Next time we visit the Aurora we go on a package tour in
a standard space ship, not a TARDIS.”
“That, or I work out some kind of shield to protect it,” the
Gallifreyan Chrístõ added. “Anyway, I have five years
to work that out. Before the next one. Meanwhile, we think we do know
how to reverse it. But… Julia… it’s…”
“It’s dangerous, isn’t it,” she guessed. “It
could kill you… both of you.”
“Yes,” the Gallifreyan Chrístõ answered for
them both. “Yes, it might. Though we’re going to try not to
let that happen.”
“When?”
“As soon as possible, I suppose.”
“If you waited a little while, you’re both still ok, aren’t
you? You’re both healthy?”
“Yes,” they both assured her.
“And you can pilot the TARDIS now?”
“Yes.”
“Before… you do this… Let’s… have the weekend
we were supposed to have. Let’s go to Androgeda IX and go skiing.
All three of us. If you have to do this… If I could lose you both…
Let’s have some time together, first.”
The two men considered her idea for a long moment. They looked at each
other.
“I don’t mind waiting a bit longer to do something that’s
going to hurt as much as we think it will,” the Human Chrístõ
said.
“Me, neither,” his Gallifreyan half agreed. “Ok, we’ll
do that.”
So, Julia had the weekend they had originally planned, but with two companions
instead of one. The TARDIS materialised beside the luxurious Albergo Rosa
– the Rose Hotel in the Valle Rosso. Beside it was the Lago Rosso
– the Pink Lake, because even frozen it had a bloom from the freshwater
plankton that lived in it. Later there would be a display of ice dancing
on it, which Julia was immediately interested in. But first they ate kedgeree
and scrambled eggs and drank strong coffee in the breakfast room and then
set off to the ski lifts for a day on the slopes.
And all three of them enjoyed themselves in the fresh, crisp air of the
beautiful winter planet. They raced each other down the slopes and Julia
and the Human Chrístõ both noted that Gallifreyan DNA did
not have any special advantage when speeding downhill on skis. The Gallifreyan
Chrístõ conceded as much when they returned, breathless
and happy to the hotel for lunch. He did point out that he was less breathless
and far less flushed from the morning’s exercise, but that seemed
only a very small advantage.
Neither the Human nor the Gallifreyan could ice skate. Both tried for
an hour after lunch, and at least learnt to stay upright and propel themselves
around the edge of the lake, but even the Gallifreyan lacked the nerve
to go out into the middle part. They eventually retired to the comfort
of the spectator’s area and warmed their feet by a convection heater
and drank hot cocoa as they watched Julia, in an outfit of pink and blue
woollen tights and a blue skirt and jumper prove that the agility of a
gymnast and the grace of a ballet dancer could easily transfer to the
ice.
“My girl,” said the Human Chrístõ with a proud
smile.
“Our girl,” his other half corrected him.
“Our girl, for now. But when we’re one again… personal
pronouns will be much easier.”
“Yes.”
They tried not to think about it. They certainly didn’t talk about
it, especially not in front of Julia. It was in the back of both of their
minds, a nagging ache in the pits of their stomachs, but they pushed it
away and made the most of the day. As the afternoon turned to evening
they had an early supper in the hotel and then the three of them joined
all the other guests in the heated grandstand to watch the ice dancing
performance that began in the dying light of day and ended under gravity
globes that illuminated the ice. Julia sat between the two men and wasn’t
displeased when one held her gloved hand tightly and the other put his
arm around her shoulder. When they returned to the hotel, afterwards,
to the rooms they had booked for the night, she was happy to walk hand
in hand with them both.
The next day began with breakfast and continued with a full day with backpacks
containing their lunch and tea, and a cross country map route that took
them high up in the Androgedan Alps and brought them back to the Valle
Rossa in the early evening. Through the day, they were happy, all three
of them, except at odd moments when Julia caught the two men looking at
each other with an anxious expression. This weekend had been a pleasant
interlude, but as the day wore on, they knew they couldn’t delay
the inevitable for much longer.
They came back to the TARDIS. Julia sat on the sofa as they programmed
the return journey to Beta Delta IV. It didn’t take long. She wished
it did. She had a feeling they did, too. It was far from a happy homecoming
for them all. There was still that huge, terrible obstacle to get over,
first.
It was the Human Chrístõ who came out of the TARDIS with
Julia as his other half made some last minute preparations. He brought
her to the sofa and sat her down. Humphrey came out with her and hunkered
by her feet, purring reassuringly.
“You understand what’s happening now, don’t you?”
“You’re using a modified version of something called a Chameleon
Arch, that is a part of the TARDIS, to rearrange your DNA and try to re….re-form…
yourselves into one person.”
“Yes.”
“Even if it works it’s going to hurt you both terribly. If
it doesn’t….” She had some lurid visions of broken,
mutated bodies that couldn’t possibly live, of all kinds of ways
that it could go wrong.
“It might just not work at all and we’ll be stuck like this,
and we’ll have to learn to live with all the problems we’ve
already talked about.”
“Or it might kill you.”
“Or it might work perfectly and we… I’ll… be the
Chrístõ you have always loved.”
“I love you, now,” she told him. “Both of you.”
“I know. And… we both love you very much.” He embraced
her tightly and kissed her in the full, passionate way that she treasured
on the rare occasions that he allowed himself to forget the age gap and
the social impropriety and kiss her like that. Usually, she noted, it
was when his life was at risk and he thought it might be their last kiss.
She had her eyes closed when she felt another pair of arms enfold her
and another pair of lips, the same lips, but cooler, kiss her the same
way. She opened her eyes and watched as the two versions of her sweetheart
turned and stepped into the TARDIS together. They closed the door. She
deliberately turned her face away from that closed door and sat quietly,
trying not to think about what might be happening inside. She tried not
to think of them screaming in agony as their bodies were disassembled
molecule by molecule. She tried not to think about them dying in terrible
distress. She tried to hope that it would be all right.
“It’s got to be all right,” she whispered to Humphrey,
who trilled sympathetically. “He’s got to live. We need him.
Then the TARDIS door opened. Chrístõ stepped out of it.
He looked pale and he was shaking. He walked unsteadily towards the sofa
and almost collapsed onto it. Julia grasped his hand and held it tightly.
She looked at his face. His eyes were red-rimmed.
“You’ve been crying,” she told him. “It hurt so
very much?”
“It hurt like… I couldn’t begin to describe how much.
But it’s not just that. I felt… when I woke… I felt
so alone. I… missed… WE missed each other. It was so strange.
It’s fading now. I’m starting to feel whole, complete. But
for a while, at first, I felt like two people in one body, both mourning
the loss of the other, both looking out of one pair of eyes and grieving
for the face we couldn’t see...”
“But you’re all right, now?” Julia asked anxiously.
“Yes,” he answered. “I’m all right. I’m
me… I’m both of the people you spent the weekend with…
the best of both of us… My soul is one again.”
“I’m glad,” she told him as she put her hands against
the two strongly beating Gallifreyan hearts in his breast and looked at
the deep brown eyes with Human tear ducts welling up with emotion now.
“I love both of you. And it’s much easier to do that when
there’s just the one of you. Just as long as you’re really
all right, now.”
“I’m all right,” he assured her. “Nothing a hot
cup of coffee and another couple of sweet kisses from you won’t
cure. After that… when the universe has stopped spinning around
in my head… I’ll drive you home. Your uncle wanted you home
by ten. Tomorrow is a school day.”
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