They originally intended to stay only a week on Mizzone
XIII. They had steeled themselves to leave after that sweet, idyllic time.
Because a planet of humanoids with only one gender – male –
was idyllic for Davie and Spenser. They enjoyed the fact that everyone
took them for lovers. They enjoyed the Promenade where they walked hand
in hand like all the other couples and the Marina where they disguised
the TARDIS as a motor yacht. They went to the theatre, they went to concerts,
they had lunch and dinner in restaurants where nobody thought they looked
strange or was offended when they touched each other in platonic but affectionate
ways.
“I feel as if I could stay here forever,” Davie said as they
walked on the boardwalk by the pier on what they had firmly decided was
their last evening. The twin suns were going down spectacularly, and it
was a warm, balmy evening. The breeze that came off the sea merely scented
the air. It couldn’t have been more perfect. He smiled happily and
turned to Spenser, reaching to kiss him fondly. They had done that a lot
this week. There was no reason not to.
“I don’t want to go, either,” Spenser said as he pressed
close and enjoyed Davie’s uninhibited affections. “But we
have to. If we stay longer you might start to forget that you’re
not really my lover. I might forget, too. And then we’d both be
in trouble.”
Davie pressed his face into Spenser’s shoulder and kissed his neck
tenderly.
“I haven’t forgotten,” he answered.
“I think you have, a little,” Spenser insisted. “You
have hardly mentioned Brenda all week.”
“I love her, still. I want nothing more than to be married to her.
This is a dream, an interlude. A chance to enjoy being in love with you,
Spenser. It’s a special place we can come back to, sometimes. When
we want to recapture this feeling. Our own special place.”
“No,” Spenser told him. “It can’t be. It’s
a nice idea. But you need to find special places to take Brenda. I will
always treasure this week. But we can’t do this again.”
Davie sighed. Spenser was right. He wondered just how much it hurt him
to be the voice of reason in this argument. It would be so easy for Spenser
to give in to the same mood, to let himself forget that this was a dream,
that they were both under a sort of enchantment tonight. Tomorrow, the
real world awaited them, where Spenser was just a very close and dear
friend, a comrade in arms, his co-pilot through space and time, and Brenda
was the one he had pledged his life to.
“You should find somebody who can give his heart fully to you,”
he told him. “It’s not fair to give you so little, when you
deserve so much more. You should have a real lover you can bring here
and walk with under the stars.”
“He would have to be very special,” Spenser said. “Like
Brenda is to you.”
“Well, I hope you find him, Spenser,” Davie answered. “But,
right now, let’s not worry. We have tonight, still.”
He kissed him again and then they walked on, happily. Across the wide
promenade, there were lights coming on in the pubs and clubs and restaurants
as the sun went down and the evening drew in. There were sounds of laughter
and music. Later, perhaps, they would join in with that laughter. But
for now, he just wanted them to be alone, together.
Except they weren’t alone. Spenser gripped Davie’s hand and
warned him urgently as he heard somebody closing in behind them. Then
he yelped as he was hit hard on the back of his head and pulled away from
Davie’s side. He was hit again and felt himself slipping to the
floor, stunned. As he struggled to stay conscious he saw their assailant
grabbing Davie and pushing something against his mouth. He saw Davie collapse
and the man crouching over him, covering his body. It looked, though Spenser
was sure he was mistaken, as if the attacker was kissing Davie. Then he
stood and looked around and ran away towards the pier where he could lose
himself in the arcades and side shows.
Spenser was still dizzy and hurting, trying to keep himself from passing
out as he crawled to Davie’s side. He was unconscious. There was
a smell of something like chloroform on his mouth. He seemed unharmed
apart from that.
There were people running towards them. A few among the crowds of evening
revellers had realised something was wrong and they were coming to help.
A man knelt and looked at Davie and then shouted to another to call an
ambulance.
“No,” Spenser protested. “He’ll be ok in a few
minutes. He’s just been knocked out. Some kind of drug… I
think it was an attempted mugging, but…”
“He’s a forced nasci victim,” said the one who had looked
at him first. “He’s going to need professional help. Are you
his…”
“Yes, I am,” Spenser answered without hesitation. The man
gave him a sympathetic look and touched him on the shoulder.
“He’s going to need your love, your support. Stick with him.
The ambulance is coming, now. You’ll be all right.”
Spenser was confused. But the one thing he did know was that Davie needed
him. He had no intention of being anywhere than at his side, supporting
him. The advice was needless in that sense. Though he still didn’t
understand why so much fuss was needed. If he could get Davie back to
the TARDIS he would be all right.
The ambulance came. Davie was attended to. Spenser was again asked if
he was his lover. He said yes and got into the ambulance with him. He
was surprised by the attention that was paid to Davie’s condition
on the journey to the hospital. The paramedics were anxious about his
blood pressure and heart rate and gave him a saline drip and vitamins
as a ‘precaution’.
Spenser waited in the hospital corridor while Davie was attended to and
put to bed in a ward. He made a statement to the policeman who came to
talk to him. But he couldn’t give very much detail. He never really
saw the assailant’s face. He was hit from behind and afterwards
he just saw the attacker’s back as he covered Davie.
Finally he was allowed to sit beside Davie in the ward. He was still unconscious,
but clean and dressed in a pair of hospital pyjamas. A physician who introduced
himself as Doctor Wien explained what had happened. Spenser listened carefully,
and with a shock that gripped his stomach as he realised just why Davie
was going to need him in the near future.
“I’m with you, Davie,” he whispered when he was finally
left alone with him inside the curtained off cubicle. “I’m
with you all the way.”
Davie began to come around after a little while. He breathed in deeply
and reached to touch his neck. He complained that his throat hurt. Spenser
reached to prop a pillow under his head and gave him a sip from the soothing
drink that was left on the bedside table.
“What happened,” he asked as he opened his eyes and stared
at the hospital name tag on his wrist, the needle from the drip taped
to the back of his hand, and the curtains around the bed, before focussing
on Spenser. “Were we mugged?”
“Not exactly,” Spenser answered him. “Davie… it’s
complicated. And a bit weird. There’s a doctor who wants to talk
to you in a bit. And a policeman. Though I’ve already told them
everything there is to know. But… before the doctor comes back…
it might be better if you heard it from me.”
“Heard what?” he asked. “Why does my throat hurt?”
“You…” Spenser sighed. “Davie… you remember
we talked about how people here… make love… how they reproduce?”
“Umm….”
“They have very long tongues and they put them deep into each other’s
throats. When they want to reproduce a fertilised egg is passed from one
partner to the other. It lodges within the recipient’s body….”
Davie was a very smart young man, but he had just woken up and he could
be forgiven for taking a long time to work it out. When he did, his eyes
widened in shock. His hand reached again for his aching throat.
“You mean I was… raped….”
“They have a different word for it,” Spenser said. “They
call it forced nasci. The word nasci… in our language… it
means…”
“Implantation… impregnation…” Davie was starting
to fire on most of his thrusters now. And his grasp of intergalactic languages
was kicking in. “Sweet mother of chaos… you’re telling
me somebody tried to impregnate me?”
“Not tried… according to the tests they did on you…
Davie… it succeeded. You’re….”
“I'm… pregnant? No. I can’t. I’m not… I
mean it may work for the Mizzonians. But I’m not…”
“Apparently you are. That’s why the physician needs to talk
to you. They can arrange for a termination. They know you’re an
offworlder. They know about your blood, your two hearts, your different
body temperature. And there is no way that you can be forced to go through
with it. They’ll sort it out. All you have to do is sign a consent
form.”
“What… no!” Davie sat up and ripped off the needle from
the saline drip. He pushed back the sheets and started to get out of the
bed. “Where are my clothes?” he asked.
“I don’t know. In the cupboard maybe? What are you doing?”
“I’m getting out of here,” he answered. “I’m
not signing anything. I want to get back to the TARDIS and….”
He put his feet down on the floor and then swayed dizzily. “What
did they drug me with? I shouldn’t feel like this.”
“It’s not the drug. It’s… You’re….
Apparently it happens very fast with Mizzonians. It’s kind of like
morning sickness.”
“Chaos!” he swore. He steadied himself and then opened the
bedside cupboard and pulled out his clothes. He started to dress himself.
He was frustrated to find that he couldn’t fasten the button of
his trousers. “What the hell… HOW fast does it happen?”
“I don’t know,” Spenser admitted. “Maybe you should
stay here. Somebody can explain it to you properly.”
“I’m not staying anywhere where people want me to have an
abortion.”
“That’s not exactly what it means.”
“Yes, it is, it’s exactly what it means,” Davie answered.
“And I’m not… I couldn’t think of it. I’m
leaving.” He pulled his sweatshirt down over the still unfastened
button and slipped his leather jacket on over it. He slipped his feet
into his shoes without even bothering about his socks. He turned to leave
and was barred by the physician. “Get out of my way,” he said.
“You have no right to stop me.”
“You have to stay,” Doctor Wein told him. “We have no
idea how your alien body might react to the impregnation. We need to carry
out the termination straight away.”
“No,” Davie said. “I’m not doing that. I believe
in life… all life. I live to protect the innocent… protect
life. I’m not going to destroy a life that… that I’m
in any way responsible for.”
“Without the DNA extracted from the tissue, the police can’t
trace your attacker,” Wein added.
“I don’t care about that, either. Just… stand back.
I’m leaving, right now. Spenser…” He reached out his
hand and Spenser took hold of it. They stepped forward together. The physician
tried to stop him. So did two of the nurses. There was something about
his expression when he turned to look at them, though, that made them
back off. Davie kept on walking past them. He kept walking until he was
out of the hospital. It was very late at night by now. It was quiet, cooler
than it was earlier. He shivered slightly. Spenser steered him towards
a taxi rank. They sat quietly in the back of the cab until they reached
the marina. Even then he said nothing much until they were inside the
TARDIS.
“I… need a drink,” was all he said as he closed the
door and crossed the console room.
“You need a lot more than that,” Spenser told him. “Davie…
I think you’re still in shock. You should get some sleep and…
tomorrow… when you’re thinking more sensibly…”
“Do you think when I’ve slept I’m going to feel any
different about this? Do you think my opinions about the fundamental meaning
of life will change overnight. I don’t want a termination. I don’t…”
“Do you want to have a baby?”
“If that’s the alternative, then yes,” he answered.
He turned and carried on to the kitchen where he found a large carton
of milk in the fridge and poured a half pint of it into a glass. He drank
it slowly, letting it soothe his throat. Spenser watched him.
“Go to bed,” he said. “Sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll
decide what to do.”
“We?”
“Yes, WE,” Spenser insisted. “Ever since this happened,
people have been telling me I have to look after you, support you, because
you need me. Well, I’m here to be needed. And I will help you, Davie.
Whatever you decide. But right now, it’s late. You’ve had
a really difficult time. You need to sleep.”
Davie said nothing in response. He put the glass in the sink and left
the kitchen. Spenser waited a few minutes and then went to make sure he
had gone to bed. He seemed to be acting so irrationally he might have
done just about anything. He found him in his bed, lying there with his
eyes wide open and the light on. He could feel his mind whirling with
thoughts and plans. He wasn’t in any way ready to relax and sleep.
Spenser sighed and kicked off his shoes and slipped into the bed beside
him.
“If this is the only way I can look after you,” he said as
he snapped his fingers and turned down the lights. He embraced Davie in
his arms and kissed his cheek gently. He felt him press closer and sigh
softly as he dropped asleep. Spenser lay awake a little longer, just thinking
about how he had longed, many quiet nights, to share a warm bed with Davie.
It wasn’t quite fair that he got his chance in such a way.
He woke in the morning to find the bed empty. He tried the kitchen and
bathroom before going to the console room and tracing Davie’s lifesign
to the medical room. He headed there and was surprised to find him lying
on the examination table, using the overhead medical scanner on himself.
“Spenser…” he said. “Come here. Look…”
He pressed a button and the scanner’s images appeared on a screen.
“Look, that’s the baby, right there.”
Spenser looked at the black and white image and at first he couldn’t
make out anything. Then he saw the mass of cells within what looked like
a protective sac. It wasn’t exactly a baby, yet. It was, however,
exactly what Davie had said last night. It was life at its most basic
and most vulnerable.
“I thought… I really rather hoped that it wouldn’t survive.
You’re not Mizzonian. It shouldn’t have happened. I thought
it might have just failed naturally.”
“I was afraid it might have done,” Davie said. “That’s
why I came in here when I woke up, to make sure. It’s alive. It’s
growing. It’s actually grown a lot in only a few hours. That’s
normal. I looked up some information about Mizzonian pregnancy. The fertilised
egg lodges in the lining of the abdomen. It forms a sort of pouch in the
flesh. It grows its own womb around itself. It extracts nutrients from
the parent by simple osmosis. That’s why my clothes don’t
fit. The womb has already begun to develop. The whole process takes about
five months, by the way.”
“And what happens then, incidentally? Because men where we come
from don’t have babies. We’re not designed for it.”
“In the last weeks, a kind of aperture develops in the abdomen.
It’s closed at first, but when the baby is ready to be born it opens
up. It’s much easier than with Human childbirth, really. There’s
no birth canal. It’s more or less directly connected to the womb.
Afterwards, everything just dissolves away and closes up.”
“And you think that’s what will happen to you?”
“I can’t see any reason why it won’t. The pregnancy
is viable. Everything is perfectly normal.”
“Davie, nothing about this is normal. Are you serious? You intend
to go through with it?”
“Yes. I’m serious. I didn’t want it to happen. But now
it has…”
“I wonder if it’s some kind of hormonal reaction,” Spenser
said. “Something that gets into your blood, makes you want to protect
the baby. I never took you for maternal before.”
“It might be. Doesn’t matter. The point is, I’m having
a baby. I’m going to get some breakfast, and then I’m going
to go and buy some maternity clothes, because quite soon nothing I own
will fit.”
The Mizzone equivalent of Mothercare was an experience for them both.
It was busy with expectant parents buying clothes and baby equipment.
Spenser watched parents in different stages of pregnancy, most with their
partners, all of them happy with the prospect of a baby in their lives.
“Is it your first?” asked a middle aged man who was in his
fourth month of gestation and wearing a long, loose jumper that covered
his ‘bump’. “You’re going to love being parents.
It’s my third. Not long now. Doesn’t seem like yesterday that
we conceived. Wonderful night. Chad… my chara… that’s
him over there looking at cribs… he took me to the theatre, dinner…
a perfect night… and afterwards, when I received the egg…
I was so pleased. What about you? Did you plan it or…”
“It was… kind of a spur of the moment thing,” Davie
answered as Spenser struggled for something to say. “But we’re
pleased, all the same.”
“You look it. It’s in your eyes. The joy of conception. You’re
a little pale, though. Remember, the first week the baby drains almost
eighty percent of the nutrients that go into your body. Building the womb
walls is the most intensive period of growth. You need to eat lots of
protein enriched food. Fish and chocolate. That’s best.”
“Not on the same plate, I hope?” Davie replied with a wry
smile. He was hungry, come to think of it. He chose the clothes he wanted
to buy and headed for the checkout. After that he found the nearest restaurant.
It was still only mid-morning. Spenser ordered a latte coffee and a round
of toast. He watched in astonishment as Davie drank a large mug of cocoa
and devoured a whole foot long baked fish called a Lemon Soldo with a
mountain of mashed potatoes and vegetables. Then he got through two portions
of chocolate fudge cheesecake with extra hot fudge and a portion of fresh
cream on the side. And he ordered another mug of cocoa afterwards.
“I hope the baby does take most of the nutrients,” Spenser
commented. “If you eat like that every meal, you’ll need to
buy more trousers in a week.”
“My baby needs the nourishment. He’s got a lot of growing
to do.”
Spenser looked at him carefully. He touched his stomach as he spoke, as
if caressing the barely formed child.
“Davie, you know, technically it isn’t YOUR baby. I mean,
the egg was fertilised before it entered your body by some form of parthenogensis.
There is nothing of your DNA in it. You’re just a host body….
a vessel…”
“It’s nourished by my body,” Davie said. “It’s
protected, warmed, by me. It’s… it’s my baby, and I
won’t let anyone take him away from me. Not even you.”
“I don’t want to take him from you,” Spenser assured
him. “I just want you to understand…”
“He’s my baby. And he will be for the next five months, until
he’s born. I’ve thought it through. I’ve read up about
the process. I know what to expect. I’m going to go through with
it. And I have to believe he’s my child. Otherwise he’s just
a parasite draining me like a tapeworm. Which would you rather?”
“When you put it that way…. Ok, it’s your baby, Davie.
But what are we going to do? Do we stay here on this planet until the
birth? Then what?”
“They have a system for legal adoption here. I’ll give him
to a couple who can’t have children of their own. People who will
love him.”
“And then how do you explain to Brenda, and Chris, and your mum
and dad, where you’ve been for all that time?”
“We have a time machine.” He answered. “We’ll
go back to the time we originally planned to go home. Nobody will know.”
“Davie!” Spenser was astonished at just how far he had thought
this through. “You mean to say, you’ll go through all of that.
Five months of pregnancy, the trauma of birth, then giving up the child
for adoption. And then we head back and pretend we were away for no more
than a week and nothing happened?”
“I might need a bit of convalescence time,” he said. “This
is going to take it out of me, big time. Call it six months… but
then, yes. That’s the plan.”
“And nobody will ever know about this? Brenda, Chris? Nobody?”
“Nobody but you, Spenser. This will be our secret.”
“There is another way. If you really want to have the baby…
go home. Tell them. I mean, they’ll be shocked. But they love you.
And Brenda… she adores babies. She would love YOUR baby.”
“I thought of that,” Davie answered. “And, yes, I could
see Brenda’s face. She’d be jealous that I’m the one
having the baby, but she would be longing to hold it. I’d never
get a look in after that.”
“So…”
“I’ve looked at Mizzonian physiology. They look like us, but
they’re different in so many ways. Their method of reproduction
for one. And a lot of their internal organs are different. Their livers
and kidneys are shaped differently. Chris and I grew up ‘different’
and had to hide what we were. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. And
psychologically… They are only ever attracted to males. And even
though that is legal in our period of Earth history, a lot of people still
don’t accept it. It’s still something that would set him apart.
Raising a child who was THAT different, just wouldn’t be fair. Sooner
or later, I’d have to explain why he was different, how I came to
be his parent. That would hurt us both. I’ve thought about it. He
should grow up here, among his own kind, as a normal Mizzonian, not an
abnormal Human.”
Spenser listened to his reasons and nodded. Yes, it did make sense. But
he wondered if Davie had considered his own feelings in the equation.
“I can’t do it without you, Spenser,” Davie continued
“I need you. That word they use here, chara, it means lover, husband,
partner. I need you to be that. I don’t mind being a parent. But
I don’t want to be a single parent.”
“You’ve got me, Davie,” he assured him. “Five
months. I get to love and cherish you, to be your husband in every way
but the physical. For me, that’s a dream come true. So… if
you’re finished eating, come on.”
“Where?”
“The market. We need to do some food shopping. I’ll learn
how to cook Mizzone fish and make hot fudge sauce.”
“Mmm. Yes.” Davie smiled hopefully. “Still don’t
want them on the same plate. Though possibly that might change in the
next weeks. When I get cravings.”
Davie was hungry again by the time they finished the food shopping. They
went back to the TARDIS long enough to put the provisions away and for
him to change into one of his maternity outfits. It was black, like his
other clothes. But the trousers were loose fitting with an adjustable
waistband. A full shirt with plenty of growing room went over it. He put
his leather jacket back on over it all, but didn’t even try to fasten
it even before he sat down in the marina bistro and ordered a prawn cocktail
followed by salmon mousse and pasta and another large chocolate dessert
to follow. His appetite was noted by many of the other diners. When they
knew he was ‘with child’ they nodded in understanding and
smiled at him.
“Children are regarded as a precious gift,” Davie said. “They
treasure them.”
“Then how come that physician wanted you to get rid of it?”
“Because I am an alien and he was scared of what would happen. But
I’m fine. The pregnancy is completely viable. My body is adapting.”
“Davie…. Are you really ok about it all? I mean… being
attacked like that. What if it was Brenda, in the usual way we understand
these things on Earth?”
Davie considered that. The thought obviously pained him.
“But it’s not,” he argued. “I wasn’t physically
damaged. Only a bit of a sore throat. There will be nothing to show that
anything happened to me afterwards.”
“Nothing on the outside. At least as long as you work off all the
fudge. But, Davie, you seem to be taking this so calmly. You were raped,
and all you can think of is buying clothes and eating. You should be upset.
You should be demanding justice. You should be hurting.”
“I don’t feel any of that. I think it really is a hormone
thing. All I feel… I really feel good, Spenser. I am a little scared
about the future, but actually, I am happy.” He looked at Spenser.
“Do you feel angry? Is that what you mean?”
“Just a little. If I got my hands on the one who did it, I’d
beat him black and blue. You’re mine, Davie. At least when we’re
together. And it does feel wrong knowing that another man…. I know
that we can’t. We’re not physically able to do that. But I
keep wishing we were. I wish it was my baby that you’re carrying.
And it hurts that it’s not.”
“I love you,” Davie whispered to him. “I love that you’re
jealous, that you’re angry. Because it proves that you love me.”
“And your hormones are in overdrive. I don’t know if you mean
it when you say that, or you’re just going a little bit nuts. Just
remember that I have always loved you. And I’m here to take care
of you. Now, let’s get the bill and then we’re going back
to the TARDIS. You need an afternoon nap. And I need to read the stuff
you’ve already read so I know what to expect and how to look after
you. And I still need to learn how to cook fish.”
Davie slept on the sofa in the console room. Spenser sat on the floor
beside him and accessed all the data he could find about Mizzone pregnancy
and childbirth on the mini-computer. He read steadily and took it all
in. When he was done, he reached and touched his lover’s face gently.
“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “You’ve got a real
struggle ahead of you.”
For the first few weeks it didn’t seem too bad. Davie was happy,
and he seemed to be healthy. He always felt a little sick in the morning
when he first woke up, but after a breakfast of smoked kippers and hot
chocolate he felt energised. They spent their mornings around the marina
or the promenade, walking, resting when Davie needed to, then they went
to their favourite café for lunch. Afterwards, Davie slept for
a few hours and Spenser would cook a high tea for when he woke. They would
dress up and go out in the evening to the theatre or cinema, or some such
entertainment and supper afterwards before returning to the Marina.
Spenser was happy because he got to live all these days one after the
other as Davie’s lover. When they were out, people took them for
a married couple, expecting their first child. They held hands. They kissed,
often.
And at night, he slept beside Davie, holding him tight in his arms. It
was never a physical relationship. Spenser knew that it could never be
that. But he didn’t need it. As long as he could hold Davie’s
warm body against his at night, feel his hearts beating, his breath against
his shoulder as he cuddled him, he was happy. He knew it was an illusion.
It was an interlude in their lives, and it would be over once Davie’s
baby was born and they were free to move on. But until then, he was his
lover, his chara, his husband in every sense of the word that mattered.
After the first six weeks, Davie started to looked really pregnant, and
he felt it. His back ached when he lay down, and Spenser eased his suffering
by massaging him with deep heat oil before he could sleep. In the morning,
he still ate a large breakfast and he was hungry again by lunchtime. The
baby was going through a spurt of rapid growth and he needed to eat four
big meals every day.
At ten weeks, halfway through the pregnancy, Spenser held his hand as
they went to an ante-natal clinic where Davie was thoroughly examined
and ticked off by the nurses for not attending more regularly. They found
nothing amiss with his progress, anyway. There wouldn’t be. He used
the scanner in the TARDIS at least twice a week to check how the baby
was developing. He knew there was nothing wrong. But just the once, he
needed to have it confirmed by an expert in Mizzone pregnancy.
At twelve weeks, Spenser went with him to a building in the city centre
where they had arranged a special appointment. They were both a little
nervous as they waited in the ‘family meeting room’.
“You can say no,” Spenser told Davie. “If you don’t
like the people, you don’t have to do it.”
“I know,” he said. “But I hope I do.”
The door opened and their case worker introduced them to Grieg and Solon
Tully and left them to get to know each other. Davie looked at the couple.
They looked a little older than he was, maybe twenty-five. They held hands
and looked at him even more nervously than he looked at them.
“I'm not sure what we’re supposed to say,” Davie said,
breaking the silence. “Um… is there anything you want to ask?”
They weren’t sure, either. They had been given copies of his ante-natal
scans. They knew the baby they wanted to adopt was healthy and that it
should be delivered on schedule in another eight week’s time. What
else was there to know?
“Just one thing,” Solon Tully said in a cautious, hesitant
voice. “Why do you want to give up your baby? Don’t you love
it?” He looked at Spenser, who was sitting close to Davie on the
soft sofa, holding him around the waist. “You’re a couple.
You’re well dressed. You can’t be short of money. Why would
you want to do this?”
Davie explained. It was less painful to him, after so many weeks had gone
by, than it was to the Tullys when they heard his story. It shocked them,
also, to discover that the host parent of the child they wanted so desperately
was an alien to their world.
But they were also very sympathetic and understanding. And when he explained
to them why he felt he couldn’t take his Mizzonian child back to
his home planet, they both reached out and held his hands.
“I want my baby to have the best chance of life,” Davie told
them. “If you can give him that… then…”
The words stuck in his throat. He touched his stomach where the growing
child was so very visible now. He felt the tiny kicks and the heart beating
strongly. He loved the baby he was carrying, and to actually say out loud
that he was going to give him away hurt more than he expected. He couldn’t
say it. But he took Solon Tully’s hand in his and pressed it against
the place where the heartbeat was strongest. He watched the other man’s
eyes light up with joy. He didn’t have to say anything else. He
just nodded and smiled through his tears.
“I just… want to ask you one thing,” he said when he
was able to speak. “I think it’s an unusual request. But may
I name him? I would like to do that.”
Grieg and Solon looked at each other and then at the young man who was
going to give birth to their future son. Yes, it was unusual. The adopting
parents were usually allowed to choose the name. But there was something
about the way he asked that made it impossible to refuse.
“You’ve really thought about names?” Spenser asked
when they were walking together on the cool, quiet promenade before tea.
“Davie, is that a good idea? I mean… it’s practically
the first rule of Emotional Detachment. Never name something you don’t
want to care about.”
“I DO care about my baby,” Davie answered. “I’m
not Emotionally Detached from him. I never was. And yes, I know what you’re
going to say. It’s hormonal. I think from the moment I was impregnated
I’ve been ‘used’ in that way. My mind is being controlled
by the chemicals this beautiful foreign body within me produces. But I
don’t care. And, yes, I’ve thought about names. I’ve
thought about holding him in my arms, kissing his face, loving him, if
only for a short time. And I want to give him a name, even if I can give
him nothing else.”
“Definitely hormonal,” Spenser agreed. “But if it makes
you happy….”
“It does.”
“Doesn’t look like it. Your eyes are red from crying. You
look….”
“Like a total girl,” Davie said with a soft laugh. “I
know. It’s changed me. Whatever happened to the tough guy who took
down all those Dominators? Where did he go?”
“He’s still there,” Spenser told him. “Still you.
And it’s a good thing. Because having this baby is going to be harder
than facing down the clone cyborg army. You’re going to need to
be that tough guy to get through it.”
“I’m not scared of pain,” Davie told him. “I’ve
known pain. I remember when I Transcended. I never told anyone how much
it hurt. Chris was hurting much more and I had to be strong for him. I
internalised my own pain. He never knew what I went through. Neither did
granddad when he mentored us. But he did say it was worse than childbirth.”
“He’s a man. What does he know?” Spenser replied. That
made Davie laugh.
“It’s not really a weakness, you know. Being like this. If
anything threatened my baby right now. I’d be ready…. I’d….”
“You’d fall over because your centre of gravity is altered
so much,” Spenser told him. “I’m your husband, Davie.
You let me do the protecting and the fighting until this baby is born.”
“That’s a deal,” Davie answered him. “Spenser,
thank you. You’ve been wonderful. I don’t know how I can ever
thank you enough.”
“Being with you, sleeping beside you, kissing you, that’s
my reward,” Spenser answered. “I love you, Davie.”
“I know you do. And that’s the cruellest thing of all. When
this is over, when I go back home, you won’t be able to tell me
that, and I won’t be able to tell you I love you, in return.”
“That’s why every minute of every day is precious to me,”
he answered. “Because afterwards, I’ll treasure the memory.”
“Let me give you some memories worth treasuring,” Davie told
him. He reached and pulled Spenser close to him and kissed him passionately.
Spenser sighed happily and enjoyed the long, lingering moment.
“If I was Mizzonian, I think I’d need a pregnancy test now,”
he said when the kiss was done and he clung to his lover happily.
“Just as well you’re not, then,” Davie answered him.
“One of us is enough.”
“I couldn’t cope with it,” Spenser said. “I don’t
like fish that much.”
“Neither did I before I was pregnant,” Davie confessed. “Come
here. Let me kiss you again. Take my mind off food for a little while.”
Spenser didn’t care why he was kissing him. Just so long as he didn’t
stop doing it.
The next few weeks passed slowly. Davie began to look VERY pregnant.
He was tired a lot. They rarely walked further than the promenade now.
His back hurt all the time. And many of the other symptoms of his pregnancy
troubled him. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and hardly recognised
his own body. He had always been physically fit. He did martial arts and
other exercises daily that kept him at a peak of mental and physical health.
But he had not been able to do anything like that for months now. His
muscles were flabby. His stomach was distended. He couldn’t even
see his feet when he looked down. In the mirror he could see the faint
yellowish line where the birth aperture was developing. And he was shocked
to find that he was starting to produce milk.
“I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” he confessed to
Spenser over breakfast. “I really didn’t. I mean, I’m
not Mizzonian. I wasn’t even really expecting the aperture to develop.
I sort of expected that I’d have to have their equivalent of a caesarean
section.”
“This is why I don’t think it will be as easy as you think
to go back to ‘normal’ life afterwards,” Spenser told
him. “Quite apart from the emotional impact.”
“There won’t be an emotional impact,” he said. “I
know Grieg and Solon will look after the baby. I don’t have to worry
about him.”
Spenser said nothing more. Davie insisted that he would be able to give
up the child easily. He wouldn’t talk about it. Spenser worried
about him. But there was nothing he could say or do.
They met with the adopting parents at least twice a week. They had become
friends with them. They went to dinner with them and the theatre. A couple
of times they went to their apartment and saw the nursery that was being
made ready for the baby. Davie bought a light up mobile to go over the
crib and a lot of the baby toys that were made ready for the eagerly awaited
child. He also bought a pram, reasoning that he would be the parent for
a few days before the adoption was finalised, and he would need one.
There were still two weeks to go when he was feeling as low as he had
been since the pregnancy began. He had slept badly the night before because
the baby was lying on a nerve. Then in the afternoon he was so exhausted
he slept too deeply on the sofa and woke with a stiff neck and a headache.
Spenser practically had to bully him into coming out for a walk. He complained
that he was too tired and sick. When he did get out on the promenade he
was still lethargic and stopped to rest every few minutes.
“What did I get myself into?” he asked. “What made me
think I could do this? I’m not a Mizzonian. I’m half Human
and half Time Lord. We’re supposed to leave this to the women.”
“You’re nearly there,” Spenser assured him. “Don’t
lose heart, now.”
“I’m not losing heart,” Davie answered. “I’m
scared, Spenser. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through
the birth.”
“The way I read it, you just have to lie there and let nature take
its course,” Spenser told him. “You said you can cope with
pain.”
“I can. But what if….”
There were a whole string of ‘what ifs’ that Davie had thought
of. They all involved some complication of the birth process. Some of
them didn’t even sound physically possible.
“Davie,” Spenser said gently as his fears got more and more
irrational. “You have scanned yourself daily for the past fortnight.
You know perfectly well that your baby’s head is the normal size
for a Mizzonian child – the same as it is for a Human. It is NOT
going to get stuck and have to be decapitated. When and where does that
happen?”
“I don’t know. I dreamt about that happening. I dreamt that
the aperture was too small and the baby wouldn’t come out.”
“You daft thing,” Spenser chided him. “You’re
just nervous, that’s all. And no wonder. This is a scary thing you’re
going through. But it will be all right. I promise. You’re going
to have a healthy, safe birth and the Tullys are going to get a bouncing
baby boy to love and cherish. And then you’re going home to Brenda,
and you’re going to remember this when she’s in the fifteenth
month of a Gallifreyan pregnancy and you’ll be the most sympathetic
husband in the universe.”
“Brenda?” Davie said the name as if it was unfamiliar to him.
“Brenda, your fiancée. The woman you intend to marry,”
Spenser reminded him.
“I know, Brenda,” he protested. “I am going to marry
her. We’re going to have children together. And you… I want
you to be happy, Spenser. Don’t hold out for me. Find a man you
love. And be happy.”
“I will,” Spenser promised. “But right now, I love you.
And you’re the only man who matters to me.”
Right now, Davie was happy to be loved by him. He smiled as they held
hands and walked on in the warm Mizzonian afternoon. They were oblivious
to everyone else around them. They particularly weren’t watching
a man who drew level with them as they stopped again to look out over
the sea. Not until he moved right up behind them.
“You’ve got something of mine,” the man said.
“I don’t think so,” Spenser answered. “Push off.”
“He has something of mine,” the man said and Davie yelped
as he felt something sharp press against his back through the thin fabric
of a summer maternity shirt. “He has my child.”
“What?” Davie half turned and looked at the man. He didn’t
recognise him. He never saw his face that night on the boardwalk. “You’re
the one who….”
“It’s my child,” the man repeated. “And I'm taking
it back.”
As clumsy and heavy as he felt, Davie reacted quickly as the knife flashed
in front of his face. He raised his hand and parried the arm away. Spenser,
meanwhile, moved around and got hold of the assailant by the neck, pulling
him safely away from Davie.
“It’s not yours,” he said as he grasped his hand and
tried to make him drop the knife. “It’s Davie’s baby.
And he’s mine. You stay away from him.”
“It’s mine,” the man screamed and with an unexpected
burst of strength he pulled himself away from Spenser’s grasp and
lunged at Davie. Spenser recovered and took his legs out with a Sun Ko
Du sweep that Davie had taught him in the Sanctuary Dojo. The knife dropped
from his hands as he went down. Spenser kicked it away and restrained
the attacker as others came running to assist and there was a Doppler
sound of a police car drawing near.
“Spenser!” Davie called out as the madman was arrested, still
claiming that the baby belonged to him. Spenser looked around. Davie was
leaning against the sea wall, his face pale, and sweat beading his forehead.
The drama around him suddenly seemed insignificant as he realised what
was happening. He ran to his lover and held him tightly as he called for
somebody to get an ambulance.
An hour later Davie was lying in a comfortable bed in the delivery room
at the hospital. Spenser was allowed to see him. He kissed him and asked
if he was feeling all right.
“I’m getting contractions every ten minutes,” he said.
“It shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours. They said the
baby is all right. It’s big enough to be viable even two weeks early.
But they’re worried the head isn’t presenting.”
“So this is it?”
“This is it. What about… did the police say….”
“They’ve sectioned him under their mental health act. He’s
a bit of a sad case. He wanted to have a child, but his partner left him
– because he was too obsessive about everything. And he became obsessed
with having a baby by any means.”
“He can’t take him from me?”
“No, he can’t. He has no legal right. It’s your baby,
Davie. Until you sign the adoption papers. And then he belongs to Grieg
and Solon. He’ll never set eyes on your baby.”
“I felt his mind,” Davie said. “He actually meant to
cut the child from me, with that knife.”
“Not while I have breath in my body. Don’t think about it.
You just do your breathing exercises or whatever it is you have to do
now.”
“Breathing exercises don’t help,” Davie responded. His
face screwed up and he groaned. Spenser held his hand until it was over.
“See. Useless. Breathing is the last thing I can think of when it
happens.”
“Try,” Spenser told him. “For your good and the baby.
Is he all right?”
“He’s fine. I can feel him.” He pressed his hand over
his stomach. “He’s just fine. Except for the way he’s
lying. Has to be turned around, ready. Otherwise it will be very difficult.
And dangerous. But I think I can handle that.” He closed his eyes
and concentrated. Spenser felt him reach out and mentally touch the child
within its womb. He gently coaxed it to turn, little by little, until
its head was towards the place where the aperture would open in a while.
He just managed to do it when the next contraction overcame him and he
suppressed a cry of pain.
“That wasn’t good. I was still in mental contact with the
baby when it started to overwhelm me. I don’t want him to know how
much this hurts me.”
“You don’t have to hide it from me,” Spenser told him.
“Let me help.”
“You’re already helping, by being here,” he answered.
“I appreciate it.”
“As if I could go anywhere else. You just rest yourself. You’ve
got a bit of a way to go, yet.”
“Not as long as I expected. The physician said it would be over
before midnight.”
“Good. Then you can get a night’s sleep afterwards.”
“Feeding every two hours,” Davie reminded him. “When
he’s born, he still needs me.”
“Sleep in between then.”
Another contraction seared his body. They were getting stronger. As this
one passed a nurse came to examine him. The aperture was starting to open.
Spenser glanced at it and saw the gap widening. There was a sort of gel
like substance that oozed from it. That was meant to make the birth easier.
But it looked unpleasant in the meantime. The nurse put a gauze pad over
it to keep it clean and asked if he needed anything.
“No, I’m all right,” Davie answered. “I just want
this to be over.”
“They all do,” the nurse told him. “At least you’ve
got your sweetheart with you.”
“Yes,” Davie agreed. He smiled at Spenser as they were left
alone again. “My sweetheart.” He reached and kissed him. “Did
I ever tell you I love you?”
“Many times. But it’s the hormones talking. You love Brenda.
I'm just standing in for her right now.”
“Can’t think of her right now. All of that… my real
life…seems too far away. I can’t think beyond the next few
hours. The next five minutes, even. Ohhh.”
Spenser grasped his hand as he rode the wave of pain and came through
it, gasping for air, tears pricking his eyes. He asked for some water.
Spenser held a glass to his lips. His head slipped back onto the pillow
and he sighed deeply.
The pattern repeated again and again, with the pains getting longer and
the time between them shorter. Davie was tired and hurting, but Spenser
helped him every way he could, even telepathically sharing the pain with
him when it was at its worst. Two hours went by slowly, agonisingly. He
was examined regularly by nurses and a doctor who said he was progressing
satisfactorily.
Then there came a time when there didn’t seem to be any breaks between
the pains. Davie screamed out loud despite Spenser’s efforts to
ease his suffering. The doctor and a nurse came in and began to make preparations.
Spenser held his hand and kissed his hot, flushed cheek and tried to be
as reassuring as he could be.
“It’s almost over now,” he promised him. “A little
more pain, a bit more effort and it will be over.”
“I know,” Davie replied. “But… but…”
He screamed again. Through a haze of pain he heard Spenser’s reassurance
and a professional voice telling him to be ready to push. He could feel
it was time. He got ready. He gripped Spenser’s hand tightly and
he groaned with the effort. He felt the baby move within him, felt it
pressing against him as he relaxed for a few moments and it all began
again.
Davie couldn’t see clearly. Spenser hardly dared to look. He kept
his eyes on his sweetheart’s face as he pushed and screamed this
time. They both heard the nurse say the head was there and he just needed
one more effort.
“One… more effort.” Davie took a deep breath and pushed
hard. He felt suddenly lighter and he looked up to see the doctor holding
a white, pink and slightly blue looking baby, covered in ooze and fluid,
the umbilical cord still attached. He held his own breath as the baby
took its first gasp of air and cried softly. The umbilical cord dissolved
away as he watched, leaving a small mark on the baby’s stomach.
He felt a sense of loss now that the child was no longer attached to him
in any way. But that feeling was brief. The nurse quickly cleaned the
baby and wrapped him in soft cloth and gave him into his parent’s
arms. Davie looked at the tiny face, pale skin, a small nose, bright eyes
looking up at him, a small pink mouth that opened soundlessly. He sobbed
for joy.
“He’s beautiful. Oh, he is. Absolutely beautiful. Spenser,
look. He was worth all the effort, wasn’t he?”
“Yes, he was,” Spenser agreed. He hugged Davie and kissed
his cheek while the nurse completed the disposal of the placenta. The
aperture would, he was told, close up by itself in a few hours. The now
empty womb would dissolve away and his body would slowly return to normal.
Almost normal, anyway. Spenser sat back and watched as Davie opened his
shirt and fed his baby for the first time. He smiled blissfully.
“That… really is the most wonderful feeling,” he said.
“I am so lucky to be able to feed him from my own body. It’s…
fantastic.”
“You still want to name him yourself?” Spenser asked, skirting
around whether Davie being able to breast feed was fantastic or not.
“Yes.” Davie smiled at the little face that looked up at him,
blowing milk bubbles through the soft mouth. The child had none of his
own DNA. He had simply been nurtured within his body for nearly five months.
His eyes were deep green and the fine hair on his head was red. He didn’t
look like him, or anyone he knew. But he was his own child. He loved him.
And yes, he had a name.
“Khristan,” he said. “I looked it up. It’s the
closest Mizzone equivalent to my brother’s name. The best name I
could give to a child.”
“Good name,” Spenser agreed. “I think the doctor wants
you to let go of him for a minute, by the way. They have to do some weighing
and measuring and counting of fingers and toes.”
They did, and he was. And when that was done, Davie was moved into the
post-natal ward where he was put to bed. His baby, now wearing a name
tag with his date of birth and the name Khristan Campbell, was set beside
him in a glass sided crib where he could see him.
“Go to sleep, now,” Spenser told him, leaning over to kiss
him. “I’ll be back to see you in the morning.”
Davie sighed and turned over on the pillow so he could look at the crib
as he fell asleep. He woke a few hours later for the first feed of the
night, then slept again. As the dawn broke on a Mizzone summer morning
he repeated the process. A few hours later, before breakfast was served,
he fed and washed and changed his baby using the moist wipes and towels
and nappies provided in the cupboard by the bed. Then he half sat with
the pillows propped behind his back and cuddled his newborn son in his
arms. After breakfast he slept again for a while, with the child cuddled
next to him in the crook of his arm.
He was asleep like that when Spenser came into the ward to see him, bringing
gifts of chocolates and barley water and a bunch of flowers. He put them
down and sat for a while just watching Davie sleep with his child in his
arms.
“Hello, sleepyhead,” he said when Davie stirred and opened
his eyes. “How do you feel?”
“I’m ok,” he answered. “Tired, still. But I’m
doing ok.”
“Will you still be ok if I tell you Grieg and Solon are in the waiting
room. They were hoping to see you and the baby.”
“They’re not…” Davie looked nervous. “They’re
not here to take him away? It’s too soon. I need more time, yet.”
“No, silly. They just want to see him. They were thrilled when I
called them. It is all right, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Davie answered. “Yes, it’s all right. Let
them come in.”
He sat up and found a comb for his own hair before making sure his baby
looked presentable for his future parents. He smiled bravely through the
visit, thanking them for the flowers and gifts they brought. He even let
them hold Khristan for a little while.
“Davie, are you sure?” Grieg asked as he noted the way he
held the baby close when he finally got him back in his arms. “If
you wanted to change your mind, we wouldn’t blame you. After all
you went through, and now, looking at him…. He’s your baby.
You could still….”
“I love him,” Davie admitted. “But I know I can’t
keep him. I have a life I have to go back to. I’ve been too long
away as it is. And that life doesn’t include him. I need a few days.
He needs me. It’s in the baby books… the milk that he drinks
in his first week is enriched, specially formed to give him the best start.
I’ll give him that start. And then, after that, he’s yours.
I will be ready.”
Grieg and Solon understood. But all the same he was slightly relieved
when they went. He didn’t even really need Spenser just now. He
wanted to be left in peace with his baby.
He stayed in hospital for a week. The physicians insisted on making sure
his alien body fully recovered from the trauma of Mizzonian birth. Apart
from continuing to breast feed Khristan, his part Gallifreyan body went
back to normal easily. He refused to stop doing that. He cherished the
bond he had with his child when he fed him. He cherished every moment
he spent with him. He knew the days were short. So he made the most of
them. He held his baby as often as he could, lay awake watching when he
slept in his crib. When Spenser or Khristan’s future parents visited
he was most often found lying in the bed with the baby pressed close to
him. There was little doubt that he loved him dearly.
But the day came when Spenser arrived early, bringing Davie’s ordinary
clothes with him. He dressed, feeling strange as he fastened his belt
around a waist he had forgotten he had. He dressed Khristan from the skin
out in new clothes he had bought ready for this day. Then he carried him
from the maternity department, out of the hospital. When they got outside
in the sunshine, Spenser unfolded the brand new pram and Davie put the
baby into it. He took the handle and pushed it happily along the busy
Mizzonian streets. He noticed the glances of passers by, who smiled to
see the week old baby sleeping contentedly.
They went to a park with cool fountains and flower beds and sat for a
quiet hour. Davie fed Khristan, not from his breast this time, but from
a bottle of prepared formula. From now on, that was how it would be. He
held him until Spenser gently reminded him that it was time. He nodded
and put him back into the pram and they walked to the building where the
adoption agency had its offices.
He held Khristan again as they waited in the comfortably furnished room
where the formalities took place. Grieg and Solon sat and waited, and
didn’t try to rush him. The case worker brought the paperwork. Davie’s
signature wasn’t the neatest he had ever signed, because he was
still holding the baby when he picked up the pen, and perhaps also because
he was crying softly and his hand shook a little. But with that signature
Khristan Campbell officially became Khristan Tully, child of Grieg and
Solon. Davie kissed him one more time and then passed him into Solon’s
arms. He watched as the new parents hugged their baby and then he stood
and turned away. Spenser followed him as he walked out of the building.
He walked halfway down the road without even thinking about where he was
going. His tears ran unchecked. Spenser took hold of his arm and summoned
a taxi. He cried all the way back to the Marina. He cried as Spenser opened
the TARDIS door and brought him inside. He cried himself to sleep on the
sofa in the console room.
When he woke, the TARDIS was in flight. He asked Spenser where they were
going.
“My home,” he answered. “You need a few days. A bit
of time to get over it all. I can’t take you home, yet. You’re
still a complete emotional basket case. And you need to get a bit of exercise
to work off all that fudge. Your belt is two notches out from normal,
you know.”
Davie said nothing. He lay there and watched Spenser competently piloting
the TARDIS back to Earth, to his hermitage in Northumbria. The thought
of a few peaceful days there was comforting. But only a little. His hearts
ached with grief and loss and he couldn’t imagine getting over that
feeling if he was there for a year.
He tried. He spent the time walking and jogging on the clifftop, practising
the martial arts that kept his body trim and fit. His body mended. He
stopped producing milk in a few days. He started to look like the man
he used to be.
But emotionally he was still a ‘basket case’. He cried a lot.
Sometimes for no apparent reason he would break down. Spenser comforted
him, he chastised him, he downright bullied him to try to help him over
his grief. But nothing worked.
Finally, in the cool evening of a day nearly two weeks later, Spenser
couldn’t find him anywhere around the house or the garden. He feared
the worst and walked along the cliff edge looking down at the rocks below,
expecting to see a twisted, broken body there. When he returned, he noticed
the door to the TARDIS open. It was parked in the drawing room, disguised
as a walk in cupboard.
Spenser stepped inside and found Davie sitting on the floor by the sofa.
He had a cardboard box with him. It contained all the evidence of Khristan’s
existence. There were printouts of scans from when he was no more than
a bunch of cells to the day before his birth and countless photographs
taken afterwards. There was his birth certificate, naming Davie as his
parent. There was the tiny plastic wristlet that was put on his arm in
the hospital, with the name ‘Khristan Campbell’ in neat, small
handwriting. There was a pair of cotton booties that he had worn.
“How did we manage to take so many photographs in a week?”
Spenser asked as he picked up one of them.
“I don’t know,” Davie answered. “I thought…
I wanted… as many memories as I could… things to keep to remember
him by.”
“I suppose, that’s all right,” Spenser conceded.
“No, it isn’t,” he said. “Spenser, it’s
not all right. I have to forget him, completely.”
“What?”
He put the pictures and the other mementoes into the box and closed it.
He sealed it with his sonic screwdriver, which seemed excessive to Spenser.
Sellotape would have been just as effective on a cardboard box.
“I want you to take this,” he said. “I want you to put
it in your attic, or a drawer you don’t use very often… hide
it away where I’ll never come across it.”
“I can do that,” Spenser told him. “Probably the best
thing, anyway. You can’t really have that lot around at home. Not
if you don’t want anyone to know.”
“That’s the thing. I can’t… I can’t possibly
avoid them finding out. They’ll know straight away that something
is wrong. Chris won’t be fooled. He’s known me since…
since we were both a mass of cells growing and dividing in our mother’s
womb. I have no secrets from him. And Brenda will know I’m not right.
She’ll probably get the wrong end of the stick and think you and
I have been sleeping together.”
“We have been sleeping together. For five months, now.”
“You know what I mean,” Davie told him. “And I’d
end up having to tell her the truth so she knows I haven’t broken
my promises to her and had sex with you. And… it’s impossible.
I can’t let anyone know. And the only way I can do that, is if I
don’t remember. If… in my mind… it never happened.”
“But…” Spenser was puzzled at first, then his eyes widened
in shock as he understood. “Davie… Oh, no. You want me to
take away your memory of the whole five months. You want to forget how
much you liked being pregnant, how you cherished the little one growing
within you, forget how much you loved him. I know it hurt to part with
him. But your memries of the week you were his parent, a week of love….”
“I have to,” he said, his throat constricted and tears pricking
his eyes again. “I have to forget his face. I have to forget holding
his tiny hand, kissing his cheek, his eyes looking up at me, loving me
back. I have to forget everything I felt, good and bad.”
“You’ll forget how much we loved each other, too.”
“Yes.”
“Maybe that’s for the best,” Spenser conceded. “I
did wonder how it was going to end. I’ve slept by your side for
all that time, as if we were lovers. But you have to be Brenda’s
lover. I have to be your friend. When you’re lying in her arms,
you can’t be wondering remembering, comparing her with me.. It would
be better if you don’t.... But Davie, it’s still a terrible
sacrifice for you to make. To forget everything….”
“You’ll remember for me. You’ll remember his face, remember
how beautiful he was. You’ll think of him now and again, growing
up happy with his two parents who love him. You’ll do that for me,
Spenser. That will be the most wonderful thing you could ever do for me.
The greatest expression of your love.”
“And you won’t even know it.” Spenser shook his head
at the irony.
“Please, say you’ll do it for me,” Davie begged him
as the tears flowed down his cheeks. “Please, Spenser.”
“I’ll do it,” he said. “Come here.” He drew
Davie into a tight, loving embrace. He pressed his mouth against his in
a deep, passionate kiss. As the kiss lingered, as Davie responded with
the same passion, Spenser touched his forehead. He reached into his mind
and found those precious memories. He mentally grasped them together and
plucked them like a bunch of flowers growing in a bed, root and all, leaving
nothing behind. He felt Davie’s gasp in his own mouth and his head
falling away as he slipped into unconsciousness.
“I’ll remember for you, Davie,” he promised, kissing
his cheek.
Davie woke in a strange bed, with daylight coming through the window.
He saw Spenser sitting beside him.
“Where am I? How did I get here?” he asked.
“You’re in my bed, in Northumbria,” Spenser answered.
“You’ve been there for a week. Don’t worry, you’re
still going to be a virgin on your wedding night with Brenda. I didn’t
do anything to you.”
“I… didn’t think.…” He laughed softly. “But
the last thing I remember was walking with you under the boardwalk on
Mizzone….”
“You don’t remember collapsing in agony, with the worst case
of food poisoning in the history of bad cuisine?”
“No,” he answered. “Not a thing. Is that what happened?”
“I carried you back to the TARDIS, diagnosed you in the medical
room. Dosed you with medicine, then decided I could look after you here
better than anywhere else. You had a rough time of it. But you’re
all right, now.”
“Spenser, you are wonderful,” Davie told him. “I really
don’t deserve you. I think the last thing I remember was telling
you to find a man who can give you the love I can’t.”
“Something like that. And I promised you I would. But not while
you need me. Anyway, stay right there. I’ll make some food. You
must be hungry.”
“Please, yes. Only… anything but fish. It must have been those
shellfish we had that made me ill. Let’s avoid anything like that.”
“No problem,” Spenser answered. “How does a nice baked
ham sound?”
“Perfect,” Davie answered as he pressed his face into the
comfortable pillow and sighed softly.
Two days later he was ready to go home. He hugged Spenser fondly and
kissed him tenderly before he left. They couldn’t be as intimate
as they were on Mizzone, but in the privacy of his Northumbrian hermitage,
he could kiss him at least. Then he stepped into the TARDIS and set his
course. He set the time co-ordinates for when he was originally supposed
to be getting back so that nobody would worry.
And nobody had worried about him. He materialised the
TARDIS on the patio outside the French doors of Mount Lœng House’s
drawing room. It was raining and the doors were shut. As he stepped towards
them, though, they opened. Brenda came running, smiling at him. She hugged
him, not caring that she was getting wet, and Davie kissed her lovingly.
“You still come home to me, even after spending
a week exploring the universe with Spenser,” she said.
“Of course, I do,” he answered. “You’re my girl.
And I love you.” He kissed her again, not caring about the rain,
either. “Funny,” he said. “But it feels like longer
than a week since we did that. Why don’t you come into the TARDIS
and we’ll go away for a quick orbit around planet Earth while I
catch up on kissing you?”
Brenda didn’t answer in words. She turned and waved to Rose, who
closed the French door against the rain and took his hand as they ran,
soaking wet but happy, back to the TARDIS.
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