The TARDIS was caught up in something and it was getting
a knocking such as it had not had for a long time. At first the Doctor
and Rose just did what they always did, held
onto the handholds of the console. But as it got rougher he pushed her
down flat on the floor and covered her with his own body as he wedged
himself against the console and gripped the floor grill tightly.
"Are you ok?" he asked her as
the TARDIS tipped sideways and he found himself clinging to a wall instead
of a floor.
“Fantastic. Love these intimate moments between
us,” Rose giggled hysterically. The TARDIS bucked in the opposite
direction and the floor became a floor again. In the momentary lull The
Doctor reached up to the life support panel and turned the knob that regulated
the artificial gravity within the TARDIS. Down on the floor Rose felt
much lighter and when his strong, masculine frame pressed her down again,
protecting her from harm, he seemed less heavy. They tipped up again,
this time rolling right over, the floor becoming the roof momentarily
before they turned again. The Doctor, as he feared, failed to hold on
tightly enough, but they fell only a few feet rather than painfully all
the way to the roof of the TARDIS - which was now the floor. Rose had
the strange sensation of floating on her back. The Doctor was beneath
her, holding her tightly against him, but there was nothing but air below
him for that brief time before the world righted itself.
Even then, it wasn't too bad. The lower gravity meant that they slowly
drifted back to the floor rather than hitting it hard. Rose thought it
WOULD have been nice, if the situation was not so scary and uncertain,
to feel his body pressed against hers so very closely. Someday she would
have to get him to put his hands on her THAT way when they WEREN'T in
mortal danger.
"What's doing it?" she asked him. "Where are we? Is it
the vortex?"
"No. We dropped out into ordinary space. But there seems to be a
battle going on out there."
"Battle? Between who?"
"Don't know," The Doctor said and gripped tightly
as they were knocked sideways this time and the TARDIS spun like a Ferris
Wheel with them as unwilling riders.
"If that doesn't stop soon I think I am going to
be SICK," Rose complained.
"Not over my jacket," The Doctor answered. "Just
close your eyes and imagine you're on a train."
"I get sick on trains!" Rose replied, though
with a laugh as their world spun out of their control.
"Glad we don't travel by train very often then."
"If we're going to die, give me a kiss first,"
she said. He laughed and reminded her that she said she was going to be
sick.
"If you kiss me it will take my mind off it,"
she told him.
"Ah, this is bribery, not romance," he teased.
But he kissed her anyway. And it worked. She forgot she was spinning around
like a wheel as the TARDIS hurtled out of control in deep space. She felt
only his lips on hers, his honey-sweet tongue probing her mouth and the
feel of his masculine body pressing more firmly against her, not because
the artificial gravity had gone back to normal but because he wanted to
press himself against her.
"Feels like romance to me," she whispered.
"Feels like a good way to die," he murmured
before claiming her lips again.
They were lost in each other that way when, finally, the TARDIS righted
itself and the random movement changed to a smooth one, though not of
its own volition.
"We're in a tractor beam!" The Doctor shouted. He jumped up
and reached for the viewscreen before remembering himself and reaching
to help Rose up. "Sorry. But you know how I feel about anyone messing
with my TARDIS."
"Yeah, you protect her more than you do your girl,"
she replied.
"My TARDIS is many centuries OLDER than my girl and
her circuits are a lot more fragile." But he put one arm about her
waist and drew her close to him as he flipped the viewscreen on. He looked
closely at the identity markings on the spacecraft that was drawing them
in. "Oh, that's ok, then," he said. "Looks like we're in
the hands of the 22nd Space Corps."
Rose looked at the craft, then at The Doctor. She hadn't
realised how scared he WAS until now, when his features relaxed and he
smiled a genuine smile. As the TARDIS came to a rest in the hangar bay
he took her hand and they ran to the door, laughing.
"Hey, big man!" Jack Harkness bounded forward to greet them,
hugging first The Doctor then Rose in turn. "You guys ok?"
"We're fine," The Doctor said. "But any chance we could
find out what was going on?"
"You dropped out of the vortex in the middle of a
little war we were having. Sorry about that. Gave us a heck of a scare.
Our fighter squadron nearly blew you out of the galaxy thinking you were
a secret weapon from the enemy. And THEY thought you were some trick we
had up our sleeves. And we couldn't even reel you in until we'd sent their
mothership into oblivion. That's when it got really rough for you."
"An unarmed civilian ship in the middle of a dogfight." Hellina
Arturo summed it up. "You're lucky the TARDIS is a bit more sturdy
than the average runabout."
She came alongside Jack and slipped her arm around his waist. Rose recognised
the gesture. It was exactly what The Doctor did whenever anyone looked
at her with more than a casual glance. She wondered which of them Hellina
thought more of a threat to her relationship with Jack. There was a time
when it could have gone either way.
"Have you ever thought of getting some armaments for the TARDIS,"
she added. "It's way too vulnerable as it is."
"The TARDIS isn't a gunship," The Doctor replied to her. "There's
no room for torpedo launchers on a telephone box."
"We won, by the way," Jack grinned. "One less bunch of
space marauders trying to invade innocent planets."
"Keep on going like this and I can retire," The Doctor said
as he checked the exterior of the TARDIS. As expected, there was no damage.
It took more than a dogfight in space to harm his ship. It wasn't fragile.
He was kidding about that. It WAS old and cranky, but it was strong enough
to protect them from most kinds of harm.
"Nah, the universe will always need The Doctor," Jack said.
"But I reckon we can both take time out from the battle for a coffee
and a catch up on old times."
He brought them into the mess hall of their battleship. It was busy and
there was a heightened atmosphere that comes whenever troops have a respite
after a period of fighting. There were shows of bravado, some bragging
about kills made, but also a sense of relief at being alive to tell the
tale.
It wasn't a life The Doctor would have chosen. Yes, he was a fighter,
but in a different way to these space troopers. He had never been part
of a team, a unit, like that. When he stood between the innocent people
of some planet - Earth far too often - and the evil of the universe, he
did it alone - or with the help of some few companions at least.
And afterwards, he didn't celebrate. He knew that victory came at a price.
Even today there had been casualties. For one moment as he looked, all
the varied conversations turned to one point. At the other end of the
mess hall somebody stood and raised his beer glass in memory of those
they had lost in today's fight. Around the table, others stood. Across
the hall everyone did the same as the bravado turned to solemnity for
a brief minute of remembrance. The Doctor stood with them. Yes, victory
ALWAYS had a price. Sometimes it could be a higher one than defeat. And
he knew that as much as any of them did.
Afterwards, the hum and pace of conversation returned to the level it
was at before. That was natural. Space borne special forces they may be,
but they were all of them Human, and Humans had that way of protecting
themselves mentally from grief and loss. It was one of the things that
he found amazing and admirable and endearing about them.
"I have to go and make sure our next course is set," Hellina
said excusing herself from their little reunion. Rose asked her if she'd
show her the 'ladies' and they left together. Despite Hellina being a
51st century woman and a warrior at that, The Doctor still thought it
was like an old fashioned dinner when the ladies withdrew and the men
relaxed with brandy and cigars. Only there was no brandy, no cigars, just
a very strong caffeine based liquid that more or less resembled coffee.
"So, do you miss me on board the TARDIS?" Jack asked.
"You'd like me to say yes, wouldn't you," The
Doctor told him. "700 years of travelling, I'd go bananas if I let
myself miss anyone who moved on and left me." His memory pricked
him for a long moment. He thought of those who had fought the fight along
with him over the years. Few of them as fitted to the task as Jack was.
They had too often been his vulnerable spot. His enemies used them against
him. Every Human he ever took with him on his long life's journey had
been used at some point by some enemy to reach him. But at the same time,
he would have given up the eternal fight years ago if there had not been
people around him who reminded him - just by being there - why the universe
was worth fighting for.
Some of those he loved most passed through his memory.
Susan, of course, his most precious blood, then Vicki, the sweet child
who had taken away some of the pain of missing Susan. Sometimes he had
actually called her Susan, absent-mindedly. Jo… she had been very
special. He had loved her in his own way, though never in the way that,
eventually, Cliff had loved her. Sarah Jane - SHE had loved him dearly.
He had pretended not to know and kept her at a distance because he had
not wanted to feel the eventual parting so deeply. Nyssa - one of the
few times he had come close to admitting he was IN LOVE with any of his
TARDIS companions. She was so beautiful, so sensitive to other people's
emotions, so tender-hearted. Their parting had been painful. He hadn't
wanted it, and neither had she. And Ace… his juvenile delinquent.
Only three years younger than Rose when they first met. He had adored
her, though again from a distance. Another one he didn't really want to
part with. Grace - if she had said yes, then he rather thought his life
would have taken a different turn anyway. They WOULD have been good together.
They had so much in common. Intellect, love of life, Puccini …
But Rose had learnt to love Puccini, he reminded himself. She had been
his cockney rough diamond and he had polished her edges as she knocked
the corners off his and taught him to love her as a man should love a
woman. His hearts had been frozen with grief for all that he had lost
when they met. But she had taken him by the hand and slowly thawed him,
made him want something deeper than just companionship. Made him think
there was more to be had.
"Doc…. You ok?" Jack touched him on the arm and he realised
he had been daydreaming. The sounds around him came back and he became
aware of himself again.
"Doc?" He pretended to be cross, but he actually loved Jack's
irreverence towards him. He couldn't help the smile that came to his face.
"You and Hellina?" He changed the topic away from himself for
the moment. "It's working out?"
"Yeah, Really well." Jack grinned. "Funny that, isn't it."
"No, it's fantastic. I'm pleased for you both."
"If only because I stopped fancying you?"
"Well, we always knew that wasn't going anywhere." The Doctor
smiled. He had never quite known what to DO about Jack's feelings for
him. He had always laughed them off because the idea had been a little
too disturbing for him to take seriously. But he knew that, deep down,
beneath the flirting, Jack WAS genuinely fond of him and to spurn him
altogether would have hurt him more than he would let on. Yes, it was
a relief to find his affections channelled elsewhere.
"It's time you and Rose 'worked out' as well,"
Jack said, and The Doctor looked startled because that was exactly his
next thought. Everyone else had found their domestic bliss one way or
another. Maybe not so domestic with Jack and Hellina and the 22nd Space
Corps, but they had the life they chose, all the same.
But he and Rose were still the uncertain factor. There
was nothing but raw emotion that kept her with him. He couldn't give her
what Jack was able to give Hellina, what David gave Susan and so many
others of his companions over the years had given to each other. All she
had was the vague promise that he loved her and WANTED to marry her if
he COULD.
"I understand," Jack told him. "Really,
I do. I'm more than just a happy-go-lucky bi-sexual space cowboy. I know
feelings, too."
"I know that, Jack," The Doctor answered, more grateful than
Jack could possibly realise that he WAS there to talk to about this. The
Doctor NEEDED a man to man talk about his feelings. "And I know Rose
loves me as much as I love her. But I can't marry her. I can't give myself
to her in any way. And there is nothing to stop her leaving me."
"Rose would never leave you."
"And I would never leave her. But do we go on as we are, indefinitely?
Sooner or later…"
"Give her an engagement ring," Jack suggested. "To Earth
women that's as good as a contract. She'll know you mean it, even if actually
getting THERE is still a long way off."
"Engagement rings don't mean anything where I come from. THERE we
have a contract."
"Well, get the ring AND the contract and satisfy both your cultures."
"Yeah, but it's not the girl that signs it, it's the parent…
You've met Jackie. Can you see her face if I turn up with a contract of
betrothal for Rose?"
"Can I bring a camera to record the event?" Jack asked with
a grin.
The Doctor looked cross at first at him making fun of something he took
deadly serious. There was nothing more serious than legal procedure to
a Gallifreyan, after all. Then he, too, laughed.
Rose came back into the room in the middle of the laughter. When The Doctor
saw her he stopped laughing and looked serious. She wondered why.
"Come here," he said and pulled her down on his knee. Rose was
surprised at such an intimate gesture from him in such a public place.
Usually he only did such things when they were alone. "I just want
you near me," he said. She had no argument about that. She pressed
her face into his shoulder and he buried his in her soft hair.
These little gestures that he found he needed so much more these days
meant a lot to them both, The Doctor knew. But was it enough for her?
Did he not owe her much more?
"Jack," he said out of the blue. "You and Hellina fancy
dinner with me tonight?" He turned to Rose. "I was thinking
of our favourite restaurant in Rome. We'll pick up your mum on the way
and make it a party."
"Ok," she agreed, not wholly surprised by such a spur of the
moment idea. Nobody could ever accuse The Doctor of lacking spontaneity.
He could take her to any corner of the universe at a whim. Dinner in Rome
was a restrained idea really.
Hellina insisted that he get them back not more than TEN
MINUTES after they left, because the ship was going into hyperspace to
reach their next mission.
Jackie Tyler made a similar demand, but in her case she
wanted to get back to a film she'd been looking forward to on the TV.
The Doctor set the TARDIS destination and then disappeared into the corridor
beyond the console room, vaguely saying he had something to do and reminding
Jackie and Rose to put on their 'posh frocks'. He didn't dare make such
a suggestion to Hellina. She and Jack were both in Space Corps dress uniform
and that was right for them.
"Is it me, or is there something not right with him,"
Rose asked Jack as they sat together on the White House sofa. Hellina
was talking to her second in command at the TARDIS's communications console.
Jackie had taken The Doctor's advice about the 'posh frocks' and gone
to try on a selection in the wardrobe. Rose already knew which one she
wanted to wear, fruits of their last visit to Italy that she hadn't worn
yet. But she was wondering about her date for the night. He seemed a little
out of sorts, somehow.
"I think he's doing fine," Jack told her. "Maybe better
than he's been doing for a long time. Trust him. He loves you, Rose. And
he wants the best for you."
"I know he does," Rose said. "But…"
"Hey…" Jack put his hand to her cheek and brushed it gently.
A gesture that was, she thought, almost brotherly. Since she had given
her heart wholly to The Doctor Jack had very much accepted that role in
her life. A sort of older brother who was glad to look out for her. "There
are no buts in it. He LOVES you. Don't question it. Just remember, you're
a lucky girl."
He saw The Doctor return out of the corner of his eye and he kissed Rose
quickly on the lips before standing up and going towards him.
"Flirting again?" The Doctor said to him with a grin. "And
I thought you were settled now."
"You just sort your own love life out," Jack told him in a low
voice and before he could stop him he kissed The Doctor, too. He was thrilled
to see the blush that came to his face. If he didn't have Hellina, if
The Doctor wasn't smitten with Rose, he still reckoned he might have been
in with a chance, whatever about Gallifrey being the planet that invented
the word 'Straight'. Deep down in that crazy, schizophrenic Time Lord
psyche, he reckoned there was a spark he could ignite if the field was
clear.
"What IS going on?" Rose asked as The Doctor
came to her. She noticed the blush, too. She hadn't seen Jack tease him
that way for a long time. Hellina had NEVER seen that strange chemistry
between the two of them. Rose noticed her go to Jack and put her hand
on his shoulder, whispering something to him to which he replied with
a salacious grin that instantly wiped away any possible rift between them
from his 'just for old times' moment with The Doctor.
"Nothing's going on," The Doctor assured her.
"At least not here on a second hand sofa." He had changed into
his Armani suit - was it the same one he wore at Christmas, she wondered,
or a new one. This one seemed to have a gold thread shot through the black.
Or was that just the TARDIS lights? Anyway, he looked devastating and
she decided it was time to change into that 'posh frock' and match him
for style.
It was a wonderful restaurant. They had discovered it six
months back, on one of their Italian visits. It was a very old establishment.
They had first sampled its fare in 1900 when they came to see the premier
of Tosca. Their old friend Giacomo Puccini had treated them that day.
And they had been thrilled to find that the restaurant still existed a
century later. By now, the waiters all knew them as the English couple
who always appreciated the food and left good tips. They got the best
table in the house when they arrived with friends.
Jackie was impressed. It was only her second visit to Rome, and all she
remembered from the first was football fans and muggers. This was a vast
improvement. But she, too, wondered what this spur of the moment trip
was all about. Why HAD The Doctor brought them all here?
He didn't tell them anything until after they had eaten, when they WERE
sitting drinking brandy and coffee. He looked at them all, then he reached
and took hold of Rose's hand as she sat at his side.
"Jackie, this is mostly you that needs to listen
for the moment," he said. "The last time we had a chance to
talk about these things, you said you wondered if I was really committed
to Rose. And it was a fair question. Because any outsider who sees us
would be bound to wonder. Jackie, you DO understand the reasons why after
all the time we've been together I haven't asked Rose to marry me."
"Because you want to get married in the way of your
world - twelve hour ceremony and something I'm supposed to do for three
hours of it, and there's nobody who knows the ceremony."
"Yes, that's one reason. And it's a good reason.
I know it sounds like a perfect self-fulfilling excuse. How can we EVER
get married in the Gallifreyan tradition when Gallifrey is dead. Well,
actually, that part of it is solved. The ritual is in one of those books
that Vincent Andrews bought on Ebay. All I need is somebody who can read
Gallifreyan - or somebody who has been in the TARDIS and influenced by
it so that they see it as English. JACK could marry us. But there are
other reasons why I can't go ahead."
"Such as?" Jackie said.
"Well, such as what the scum of the universe might
do if they found out I have a wife. Jackie, you went through hell not
long ago because you are connected with me. People used you, used the
threat of violence against you to get to me. I have to seriously consider
that. Marrying Rose makes the life I lead ten times more dangerous for
HER."
His hand closed even tighter on hers as he said that.
"I should never be close to anyone," he continued.
"I should have let Rose go home long before I loved her as much as
I do. Long before she loved me. When that Dalek said what it did…."
She and Rose were the only ones who knew what he meant by that, of course.
The others just tried to keep up with what he was saying. "No. Before
that, even. When we were in Downing Street, and I was more afraid of losing
Rose than losing my own life. I knew then. I should have ended it then.
I COULD have ended it then. I could have let her stay with her mum, like
Jackie wanted her to. We'd have hurt, both of us, but only for a while.
Nowhere near how I'd feel - how we'd all of us feel - if Rose was murdered
by someone or some thing that wants power over the last Time Lord in the
universe."
"Now THAT sounds like a - what did you say - self-fulfilling excuse,"
Jackie said. "How can you ever solve that one as long as you DO live
the life you do?"
"I don't know. Maybe I ought to consider retiring. Maybe I SHOULD
leave saving the universe to the 22nd Space Corps. Maybe Chris and Davie
can take over from me when they're old enough - take over the family business."
"Or maybe we can just accept that risk," Rose
cut in. "I DO get a say in this, don't I?"
"Of course you do, Rose," he told her. "This
is all about you. And what you want, what makes you happy is the most
important thing. But you DO understand what I'm saying, don't you?"
"Yes," she said. "Yes, I understand. And I AM willing to
accept that risk. Isn't that why you've made all that effort - teaching
me to fight. So that the risk is lessened, so that I'm not just a liability
to you. So that we are equals."
"Yes," he admitted. "There is that. And I am proud of you.
You've done so well. We're a team. And a great team at that. But there
is still the main reason why I didn't ask you to marry me on your twenty-first
birthday. I wanted to then, Rose. I really did. I was so close to proposing
to you. But I held back. Because there is no point in us getting married
if we can't have children. And you know the reason why that is."
"Yes," Rose answered. There was a lump in her throat as she
said that. THIS really was the stumbling block that kept them from being
truly happy. And it was insurmountable.
"I don't," Jackie said.
The Doctor explained it to her.
"But people get married without having children," Jackie said.
"You still could."
"But can I ask Rose to make that sacrifice? What if she marries me
and then realises that she DOES want children? We have a twelve hour marriage
ceremony, but we have no concept of divorce. We take that step for life.
And I don't want her to be unhappy with me when she could be happy with
a man who can give her what I can't."
"But that means we can never be together," Rose said, the lump
in her throat tightening. "That really is an impossible problem."
"No," The Doctor replied. "It's not impossible.
It's difficult. It's a medical problem. It's a scientific problem. And….
I AM a doctor, I AM a scientist. Sometimes I forget that myself. I am
so many things to so many people. But I am a scientist. And a good one
at that. I should be able to find out what it was that they used to do
on my planet that made it possible for Julia to bear me a child safely.
I should be able to do it for you, Rose. I'm TRYING to do that. And if…
when I do… then our last obstacle is surmounted and we CAN. But
it could take years yet. And in the meantime, Rose, you have the right
not to be locked into a relationship with me that you can't sever."
"I don't WANT to sever it," she protested. "I love you,
you crazy alien. Can't you ever see that?"
"Yes, I see it," he told her. "And that's
why we're here. Because, even if I can't marry you yet, even though it
could be years - Maybe never - I want you and your mum and Jack and Hellina
- and everyone who knows us - and even total strangers who look at us
and wonder what we are to each other - to know that I AM committed. I
want them all to know that I DO mean to do right by you. So…"
He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a sheaf
of closely typed paper. He handed it to Jackie along with a gold pen he
produced from another pocket. Rose noticed it was monogrammed with the
Greek letters .
"What is this?" Jackie asked as she unfolded it. The Doctor
looked at Jack.
"Did you bring that camera? This is the bit you really want to capture.
Jackie, it is a Gallifreyan Bond of Betrothal. Read it and sign it and
according to the law of my world Rose and I are officially engaged. If
that's not commitment enough I don't know what else I can do."
While Jackie was still staring at the first page of the legal document
he had typed up in his library while they travelled to Rome, he stood
up and reached for Rose's hand. "Come with me," he said to her.
"Come with me!" He had said something like that four years ago.
It was what began her life with him. She was not going to refuse now.
He led her to the balcony that was used in the daytime for cocktails and
lunches under striped umbrellas. It looked out over the Piazza Navone.
The Fountain of Four Rivers was beautifully uplit. They could see the
rising and tumbling waters from where they stood. In 1900 they couldn't
do uplighting. But then again there was not so much traffic then. It was
not quite so peaceful as it ought to be with the sounds of engines revving
and car horns drifting up from the street.
But The Doctor didn't come to talk about views. Or even
to look at the view for much longer than he needed to gather his thoughts
together and know what he wanted to say to her.
"Did that seem like a rather cold and calculating way of asking you
to become engaged to me?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied. "Especially since you didn't ask me,
you asked my mum."
"It's how it's done where I come from."
"You're a funny lot."
"Yeah, I know. Romance died a cold death on Gallifrey. That's why
I brought you to Rome - why I brought you out here on the balcony - just
the two of us alone. So that I could do it the way Humans do it as well."
Rose looked at him and caught her breath. She realised
this was a moment she had dreamt of most of her life. Ever since she was
old enough, prompted by the romantic stories in girls' magazines, to dream
of being kissed by a man, she had wanted to be somewhere like this with
a warm summer breeze on her face and a man about to propose to her.
If truth be told it wasn't EXACTLY as she had imagined. The man wasn't
what even the wildest dreams of her teenage years could have imagined.
She had dreamed of a pop star or a movie actor or something like that.
And she had dismissed the dream by the time she was sixteen and the men
in her life had turned out to be much more mundane.
But now the man of her dreams was there. Not a pop star, not an actor,
but somebody who made such ephemeral celebrities fade into insignificance.
The most powerful man in the universe.
The Doctor knew what was in her mind. He wanted to live
up to that dream for her. He wanted this to be perfect the way she dreamed.
He wanted this to be perfect, like girls on Earth were led to believe
it ought to be. He WANTED to be Rose's perfect fiancée. He wanted
this to be the sort of moment where the music turned up and reached a
crescendo in the films.
And he was so anxious to get it right that he messed it up and got his
hand stuck in his pocket.
Why did it matter? He had wondered that in the moment while he struggled
to find the tissue wrapped ring he had concealed in the breast pocket
of the Armani jacket. Armani needed a few lessons about easy access, he
thought. But why WAS it important that this moment was 'right' in that
way?
He understood why it mattered to Rose. It was a Human
thing. This yearning for the perfect romantic moment.
But why did HE want it so much? And why was he so fearful of messing it
up? Why did HE, the Time Lord, the powerful, self-assured, super-intelligent
being, feel like a complete numbskull right now whose hands were too big
and clumsy to get into the pocket of a jacket?
He steadied his hearts and his breathing and calmed his
brain and then pulled out the ring. It glittered in the reflected light
of the street lamps of Piazza Navone. So did Rose's eyes as he took her
left hand. They both trembled a little.
"The tradition is Human," he said. "The diamond comes from
Gallifrey."
"I don't care if it comes from Sainsburys," Rose told him with
a soft laugh. "What matters is…"
She stopped. She wasn't entirely sure WHAT mattered. Except…
Gently he pressed the ring onto her finger. It fitted as if it had been
made for her.
"Rose, by the wearing of this ring, will you consent to marry me
in the fullness of time, and in the meantime be my betrothed fiancée?"
She looked at the ring. It was a solitaire. A big one. She knew it was
probably worth a lot of money. That didn't matter either. What mattered….
"You do want to, don't you?" he asked anxiously.
"If it's too much to handle…"
Please, Rose, he thought desperately. Please accept. I
don't know what I'd do if you don't.
He had never seriously considered that she might say no.
But for one moment as she stared in silence at her own hand, he wasn't
sure.
"My mum will have signed the contract by now,"
she said. "Isn't it official whether I say yes or not?" Could
Gallifreyan law bind her by contract to him even if she said no, she wondered.
As much as she loved him that idea made her uncomfortable.
"Don't bet on it. Your mum will have gone into catatonic shock when
she turned to page four."
"What's on page four?"
"We'll deal with page four when we go back inside. Right now…"
He looked at her. She was as beautiful tonight as she had ever looked.
If he presented her at a formal betrothal ball on Gallifrey only the most
hardened pureblood fanatics would have thought her an unsuitable choice.
But it wasn't just her beauty that entranced him. There was always more
to it than that. He knew he loved her with every atom of his being. And
he knew she loved him too. But why didn't she say it?
"I need an answer from you, Rose. Please…"
"I love you, Chrístõ." THAT was what mattered.
"What?"
"Well… if I'm going to be your fiancée I can't keep
on calling you Doctor."
"Only when we're alone then," he said. Then
it dawned on her what she'd said. "That… was a yes, wasn't
it?"
His face just seemed to light up as he realised. Rose laughed.
It was worth it just to see his smile broaden moment by moment and diamonds
shine in his eyes - those Human eyes he inherited from his Human mother,
through which he looked upon the universe and upon her.
"Yes," she said. And she couldn't stop smiling either.
And then he kissed her. A full, long, lingering, beautiful
kiss. He didn't need to play any tricks with time. It lasted for an eternity
even without it. And it was perfect. It was the moment that the teen magazines
told her to expect. The moment when a man who had just put a diamond ring
on her finger took her in his arms and kissed her. That the man was a
completely different species to her, with orange blood and two hearts,
that he came from a planet 250 million light years away from Earth didn't
matter. That was mere detail. The important thing was that THIS was the
moment that girls were led to believe was the pinnacle of romantic love.
And for her, it had not been a disappointment. It had been everything
she had hoped for.
There was even the crescendo of music. Inside, a band had
begun playing for the diners to dance to after their meal. And she was
almost certain the fountain had increased its water pressure. It seemed
to be gushing especially harder just for them. Even the traffic seemed
to applaud them.
"I love you, my Doctor," she whispered when he
stopped kissing her and just held her in his arms.
"I thought you were going to call me Chrístõ now."
"I didn't fall in love with Chrístõ de Lœngbærrow,"
she told him. "I fell in love with The Doctor. I loved the scruffy
guy in a manky leather jacket who was too tight to buy his own chips.
I never expected him to propose to me on a balcony in Rome in an Armani
suit. But… you're still My Doctor. You always will be. And I LOVE
YOU."
"I don't care what you call me," he said. "Just carry on
loving me with all your heart, and I will love you with both of mine."
"Oh, I do," she promised.
"Shall we go see if your mother has recovered from the shock?"
"Yes," she laughed, infected by a joke she didn't yet understand.
She held his hand tightly as they came back into the restaurant.
She looked down at their entwined hands. The first moment they met, he
had held her hand, but then it was just to save her from killer mannequins.
The next day he had held it again and she had almost forgotten how to
breathe as his hypnotic voice weaved a spell about the Earth turning beneath
their feet instead of answering her question about who he was.
She still hadn't completely known who he was when she first knew she loved
him. Now she did. If there was anything she didn't know about him, it
didn't matter. The diamond on her hand proved that nothing else mattered.
"It's page four, isn't it," The Doctor said
to Jack, who was watching Jackie closely and anxiously. Jack looked at
him and his lips moved but no words came out of them. As for Jackie…
He had centuries of experience of gauging Human emotions but right at
that moment he had no idea what was going on in Jackie Tyler's mind.
"This…. " she said slowly. "This…"
"Bond of betrothal…"
"It…. It is a contract to BUY my daughter from me. You…
how can you put a price on her? How can you say how much she is worth
to me?"
"It is how it is done," he said.
"How much AM I worth?" Rose asked.
"You don't need to know," The Doctor told her firmly. "It's
not about the money. Yes, in effect I am buying her. It is how it's done.
I am making the commitment, taking on the moral, legal and financial responsibility
for Rose's happiness and well-being. The financial settlement is part
of the package. All or nothing."
"But…"
"Mum… Sign the paper. Don't stand in our way."
"I never…" Jackie looked at her daughter. She looked at
her hand entwined with The Doctor's still. She saw the ring glittering
on her finger. And something seemed to twist inside her. "Oh Rose,
sweetheart, I've NEVER stood in your way. But I can't do this." She
pushed the pen and paper away and jumped from her seat, running off towards
the same balcony. The Doctor and Rose looked at each other. Hellina and
Jack looked at each other. Hellina said something to him. Jack shook his
head.
"No, I'll handle this. He's The Doctor, but I'm the Love Surgeon!"
And he stood up and followed Jackie.
"If she doesn't sign…" Rose said. "Does that mean…"
The Doctor said nothing. He just held her hand and hoped. The moment had
been beautiful. But now it felt as if his plans were unravelling. He needed
it to be done properly. For the same reasons that a quick registry office
wedding would never do for him, he needed their betrothal to be done right.
But Jackie…
He expected her to be bewildered, overwhelmed. But he had never expected
her to refuse altogether. The last few times he had been with her, when
he had probed her thoughts, he had the impression that Jackie WANTED them
to get married. She had WANTED it settled. But now, faced with the prospect
of it becoming a reality she had panicked.
He told himself she was just overwhelmed by the suddenness
of it. He wondered if he SHOULD have sprung it on her this way. Perhaps
he should have explained it to her first.
He just hoped Jack really WAS the Love Surgeon.
"Hey." Jack stepped out onto the balcony. Jackie
looked up at him. Even in the half dark he could see she was crying. He
pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her.
"I've… Rose, is she ok?" Jackie asked. "I don't want
her to be hurt… but…"
"They're both ok, for now. But I think they were
hoping you'd be a bit cooler about this."
"I meant to be. I have HOPED for this since Rose was a little girl.
A man who loves her, asking for her hand. I've hoped for so long that
The Doctor would be the one. But that contract. It's so coldly worded.
It's like signing the deeds of a house. I just couldn't."
"He gave her a ring as well. He understands how it should be. But
he's a Gallifreyan. The contract means everything to him as well."
"How can it? How can he think he can BUY her from
me? That's not love."
"It is where he comes from. It's… Yeah, I know, it's kind of
weird. But where he comes from, offering the woman's parent money, getting
them to sign an agreement, it IS actually a romantic gesture. Personally,
romantic is a Jacuzzi made for two and an endless supply of dry martinis.
But that's me."
Jackie half laughed at Jack's notion of romantic.
"For me… it would be a balcony overlooking a piazza in Rome,"
Jackie said. "But I don't think anyone will ever do that for me.
He did it for Rose… and that's wonderful. But…"
"Jackie…" Jack looked at her and something suddenly made
sense. "Jackie… do YOU fancy him?"
She laughed again and turned to look at Jack. She only knew him slightly.
They'd met on one or two occasions before when The Doctor's madcap and
dangerous world had intruded on hers. She knew The Doctor trusted him.
That was about all. And yet, when this near stranger asked her that question
she had no hesitation in answering him.
"Yes, sort of," she admitted. "First time I saw him, I
thought he was MY dream come true. A man about my age, good looking, even
if the clothes were a bit… And then I realised it was my daughter
he was interested in. That was a kick in the teeth. Then I found out he
wasn't a man, he was an alien. And he wasn't my age. He was 950 or something.
And Rose was in love with him. And… And I used to think I hated
him. But I don't. I think he's the most wonderful man in the universe.
And yes, I do, sort of, fancy him. Well who wouldn't."
Jack grinned.
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"Huh?" Jackie looked at him. She hadn't expected that. "But…
you've got a girlfriend."
"The expression is 'swings both ways'. Trouble is, The Doctor doesn't.
In any case, by the time I met him he was already in love with Rose. Nobody
could have got between them. Seeing them finally together is about the
best consolation prize I could hope for. And I'm really happy for them."
"I didn't refuse to sign because I want to take him from Rose,"
Jackie assured him. "I would never do that to her. Even if I thought
I was in with a chance. I wouldn't do it to him, either. He's a nice guy.
He's been good to me, even though I've been a ratbag to him."
"So why…"
"I sign that paper, and she's not my little girl any more. She BELONGS
to him. What was it he said, morally, legally, financially…"
"But that's how it is for everyone," Jack said. "Well,
except me and Hellina, because she'd break my arm if I tried to be morally
responsible for her. But just about anyone else. It's what life is about.
It just looks funny written down on paper. Jackie, Rose couldn't get a
better man than him if she searched the universe forever. He's fantastic.
He'll love her forever. Because on the rare occasion that one of his kind
falls in love, they do it one hundred percent. There's no half measures.
There's no falling out of love ten years down the line. He'll never let
her down."
Jackie nodded. That, after all, was what she wanted. She wanted it for
herself and had never got it. Pete was the love of her life, but 'never
let her down' - he did that on a daily basis. When he died, between the
ordinary grief and loss, it had also felt like the ultimate way in which
he had let her down. And every man she had known since had disappointed
her.
But Rose could have better than that. And she was all
that stood in her way.
She made her mind up.
She gave Jack his handkerchief back and stepped into the restaurant again.
She walked to the table where The Doctor and Rose still sat, holding hands
tightly, but not with the happiness they ought to have right now. She
sat down and took the papers. She picked up the pen, turned to the last
page and signed. She handed the pages and the pen to The Doctor. He turned
back to page four and detached the cheque that was pinned to it with a
paperclip. He held it out to her.
"You have to take that, Jackie. Otherwise the contract isn't valid.
Tear it up, frame it, put it in the bank…. Give it to charity. You
decide. But you have to take it."
Jackie looked at him. And she understood. It really WASN'T about money,
even though the figure on that cheque made her dizzy. For him it was about
love.
She took the cheque.
The Doctor took his fiancée to the dance floor.
He held her in his arms and danced slowly with her. Her eyes were fixed
on his as they moved around the floor. Her arms reached around his neck
and his enfolded her waist. They danced ever closer. Around them, other
dancers seemed to become aware that something special was happening between
them and a space cleared. And when they stopped dancing and kissed instead
there seemed to be a murmur of approval for this beautiful couple who
were so much in love.
At the table, Jack gave his handkerchief back to Jackie
as she began to cry again. But this time she was smiling and they were
tears of happiness.